Orphan

Chapter 74

The hospital room was filled with nothing more than the sound of rain and beeping machines and a conversation which had no business being uttered, nor did it make much sense. But there was no need to make sense when it was just passing the time. "What do you mean where's the llama, you were in charge of him private." Monique spoke, acting as a voice over to the television show which had been on mute for the past 5 minutes. "That's assistant general private sir to you, woman." Harry continued, deepening his voice exaggeratedly, mimicking and badly lip reading the actor on screen as he walked across the room and stood dangerously close to the woman he was talking to.
The two had been making fun of tv shows for the better half of an hour, only just recently coming up with the idea to add their own plots for what the characters were saying. Harry chuckled shaking his head at the tv before turning it off, "Well we definitely improved that by like 20%."
"I think we may have butchered the show, actually." Monique mumbled with a smile as she sat herself up on the bed, resulting in an unwanted sting throughout her body. She winced slightly, sighing in regret of her own actions, her mind suddenly wandering as she turned to face Harry who rested with his arm behind his head. "Have you thought about...things?"
"Things? Like what?" His brow lifted, the playful demeanour they once had now evaporated like water on a hot pavement. "The baby."
The unease in Harry's face was apparent at the mention of the unborn embryo. "I mean yeah...of course I thought about it. Not like I can avoid it."
"Look I hate to ruin a good moment, I get so few with you, but..." she sighed turning away, focusing her attention on her hands in a sad attempt to try and collect her scattered thoughts.

"...I don't think I want this... with you, Harry." Her voice pierced the air in just above a whisper, too afraid to face the man now. The bed dipped with the movement of Harry sitting up straight. "What is that supposed to mean?" The offense in his voice was clear as day. The room felt colder than it had been before. The pitter patter of the rain against the window only filling the silence for brief moments. "I mean, I.. Look, it's hard to, to explain but, I don't know that I can trust that you'd be better after this baby is born. I cannot raise this child on my own Harry. Not when I'm dealing with you and the boys and handling the household things with Abigail and a crying child around too? That's gonna drive you nuts and everyone else. And what happens when there are raids or gang violence or you wanna party and get drunk? The way you were treating me back there, with the twins at the orphanage, I can't have that be our dynamic as parents. If you're not willing to really change, Harry I don't see how we can have this baby. I'd rather end it while my pregnancy isn't that far along, than risk you changing your mind when I'm 6 months in and not know what to do." Monique spoke turning back around, facing Harry who had been quiet up to now. "You not gonna say anything?"

See, in her mind, her trouble wasn't that she would be doing parenthood alone, but what else she would be facing whilst trying to raise the child. The thought of abuse travelling down to her first born, the house dynamics that are not suitable for a child. She couldn't have that, she could handle it happening to her, but her child? She would lose her sanity. "What do you want me to do? Huh? Is this your way of asking me if it's okay that you kill my child?" The sudden vocality of Harry had left her speechless, it was as if she had sunk all the way back into her shell and tried to hide there, feeling stupid for ever having said anything at all. "That's not w-"
"No it is! You don't think I can be a sufficient dad to this kid, do you?"
"Sufficient? Harry I need you to be present. To be there in more than just physicality. I want you to be able to show your love to your child. To have a better childhood than you had. Your baby deserves that much, end the cycle. And if you don't think you can right now, dont put an innocent child through the trauma of what you went through." She frowned, hesitantly placing her hand on his knuckles. He shut his eyes tightly for a moment, entwining their hands together before pulling her down into his chest. All worries and tenseness inside her body suddenly melting away, she hadn't by a long shot expected this kind of response. But a large part of her was overjoyed, to have some form of comfort she had been so desperately craving.

"I can do it. Just, just don't kill my baby...give me something to fight for." He choked out quietly into her hair, her brows knit together at his words, the tone of his voice. She nodded slowly, hugging him in the melancholy silence of the hospital room.

Harry had never been the type to beg, to feel, to show, not since he can remember. He blocked out all those memories, the ones which made him yearn for the past and feel pain in the present. He had no reliable coping mechanisms, the ones he did have only caused further heartache, he was determined to get better. He needed this, this had reminded him just how much he wanted to live. He wasnt ready to die, not when he had so much to live for now.

"I'm gonna go discharge you, and we will head home, yeah? Before the weather gets worse." He cleared his throat as he got up from the bed slowly, walking out of the room.