The Crashing Waves | COMPLETED

Chapter 11: Saying Good-Bye (The Funeral Part 2)

There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of flowers filling the front and sides of the huge room, and just as many pictures strewn about in collages. Baby pictures, pictures of him as a young child, surfing, high school, us... We were all over that place. His coffin was front and center covered with a blanket of white roses and blue carnations. It looked like the ocean setting on top of him, which is exactly what he would have wanted. There was a huge photo of him framed on top of his coffin. It made my heart hurt. I took that photo just a few months ago when we came to visit for our 2 year anniversary. Brody was loved by everyone he ever met, and it showed today. There was not seat left open and there must have been another hundred standing in the back and out the doors.

After a while the line of people seemed to slow and Brooke grabbed my hand and stood up. "Let's go Cam. It's time." I looked up at her holding back the flow of water that was ready to burst out of my eyes. "You will never forgive yourself if you don't. I'm right here, don't worry." As much as I knew she was right, I was fighting a battle in my heart because I knew that this meant it was real. That this was it. That he was really gone. I have to say good-bye to my happily ever after...

I walked up slowly and I could feel the hundreds of people staring at me, burning into the back of me. I got a couple feet from him and I hurled myself at him in his open casket. My cries rang out through the whole building. "Why, why, why?" I cried to him. "Why Brody? I can't do this without you! Please come back to me! We were suppose to be forever. You promised me Brody. You promised you'd never leave!" Brooke held me and let me do what I needed to do. I couldn't stop screaming, and I felt more hands holding me. Dale and MaryBeth joined Brooke, along with several of Brody's best friends from high school. "Noooooo..." I cried through my tears. "Please, no......"

After several minutes, the funeral director walked up to the mass of us standing over Brody and whispered, "I'm so sorry, but it's time." I knew what that meant. It was time to close the coffin for good.

This was my last chance. I gently brushed his cheek with my hand, and gave his cold body a kiss. "I will love you until my last breath, Brody Anderson," I whispered to him. "And then I will kick your ass for leaving me here alone, do you hear me?" I smiled softly as I brushed his messy, dirty blonde hair with my fingers. "I am going to miss you more than you could ever know. My whole heart is broken, Brody. I love you too much." I grabbed my locket around my neck and turned and walked away. And just kept walking until I reached the cool air outside and could finally breathe again.

***

What I wouldn't give to look into his beautiful green eyes one more time. I just kept picturing his smiling face from the morning before the accident. When he said good-bye to me as he walked out the door to go to work. The smirk he always gave me. His eyes that told our entire love story... That's all I could fill my head with the entire drive to the cemetery. My eyes had finally dried up, probably because I had no more tears to cry.

***

The cemetery service was beautiful. So many people had such wonderful things to say about that man that I loved so deeply. I will never be able to thank everyone for the love they showed us and the stories that I will remember for the rest of my life. I learned so much about my goofy husband that I hadn't known before and it made a lot of his antics make sense after all these years.

As things wrapped up, I found my self sitting in silence in the front row of chairs with my eyes clenched tight, fiddling with my wedding ring. It was all too much to take in. Once this was over, I was all alone. I tried to find the ocean. The waves. But I couldn't... I tried to feel Brody near me, and I couldn't. Why couldn't I just wake up from this nightmare....?