Matthew Daddario imagines

broken down pt 2

We walk through the park in silence but Alec doesn't let go of my hand if anything he tightens his grip making sure that I can't run off. Not that I was planning to. We walk for about five minutes before we come across some swings, taking a seat on the swing.

"Come on, Y/N. Talk to me." Alec say to me as I gently start to swing back and forth. Alec takes a seat on the swing next to me.

"It's a long story...." I start before trailing off not wanting to talking about it.

"Y/N." Alec say. Telling me without even saying it that he will listen. It doesn't matter how long it take. He is not letting this go.

"I guess I was just thinking about what Clary said to me. I know, it was just a spell but it hit really close to my heart. It was my worst nightmare the things that she was saying. And I'm just...."

"Just what?" Alec asks when I trail off.

"I'm just not doing okay, Alec! I'm just dealing with a lot and I'm not dealing with it well." I say finally.

"What do you mean?" Alec says to me as he turns to look at me.

"I have never been the most confident person in the world. I'm not like Izzy and you guys. I have always felt like I was a failure, like you all would do better without me. I'm just not worth it." I finally get out before sobbing. I feel the tears that I have been threatening to fall since the rooftop. Bearing my head in my hands letting the tears fall down my face but not wanting to let Alec see me like this. Not wanting anyone to see me this broken.

I don't hear anything or maybe I can't at this moment bet the next thing that I know it that Alec is kneeling down in front of me on this swing and pulls me into his arms and wraps me in a hug. I loss it then and just start sobbing harder. Calming down enough I start yell at him.

"Why do you keep me around? I'm nothing! I'm nothing like you guys. My life is nothing. Why did Magnus have to save me! Don't you get it? I just want it to end. I just want to die." I finally yell out what has been on my mind for so long. I have been hiding so well these feelings and the thoughts. I just want to be okay again,

"Don't you ever say anything like that again! You are just as important as any of us. You are my sister, just like Izzy. You are everything that is good about this world. Don't you ever forget that. Whatever you think Clary said she didn't. She cares about you just like all of us. We love you." I lift my head off of his shoulder to look him in the eyes. Only to see tears falling silently down his face. But he doesn't move to wipe them away like I thought that he would. Alec is so strong that I don't think that I have ever seen him cry. Never thought that I would either.

"Why do I feel this way, Alec? I don't want this." I ask in a small voice. The tears still falling down our faces. Alec reaches up and places both of his hands on the sides of my face letting his thumbs whip away the tears.

"I don't know. But you are not alone and you will never be alone not with me around. Not with any of us around."

"Thank you." I finally say. Falling into his arms again. I don't know how long that we both sit on the ground me in his lap but I cry myself out and fall asleep there in the park. I wake up when I feel myself being picked up.

"Alec?" I ask my voice rough from crying.

"It's okay, we are almost back to the Institute." Alec says in a quiet voice. I just nod my head and lay it back down against his shoulder letting my eyes fall closed again. Falling back asleep I let myself be carried by one of the people I trust more than anything.

"Alec! What happened?" I hear being yelled waking me up once more. Opening my eyes I see Izzy make her way towards us.

"We're fine, Izzy. Now, be quiet. She's asleep." Alec whisper yell at his sister.