The Definition of Fate

Chapter 4

I admit,
I was afraid
to love.
Not just love,
but to love her.
For she was a stunning
mystery. She carried things
deep inside her that no one
has yet to understand,
and I,
I was afraid to fall,
like the others.

She was the ocean
and I was just a boy
who loved the waves
but was completely
terrified to
swim.

- Christopher Poindexter

One week has passed since Aaron was offered the promotion and I thought my nerves would dissipate, but they haven't. I'm not nervous about him leaving or him staying; I'm terrified that I'm going to have to follow him for us to stay together. I shouldn't feel like I have to follow him, but I don't want to leave. I'm happy or at least content, and I'm not sure I want to sacrifice my life here for Aaron.

    Promptly at five, I march into Tina's office and announce, "Tina, I'm leaving on time today. It's Friday, I have a date with my boyfriend tonight, and I've already had to cancel on him twice for work this week. So I'm going home."

    I finish my speech and try to stand boldly in front of her. I put my hands on my hips in an assertion of dominance, but when she raises an eyebrow, my hands shrivel back to my sides. She reclines in her rolling chair, bites the cap of her pen, and finally waves me off with a sigh.

    "Have a good night."

As I turn around to scuttle away before she changes her mind, I pull my fist down and whisper, "Yes!" under my breath. Nisha, the secretary, smiles at me and flashes a discreet thumbs up. Success.

    I run back to my cubicle, gather my stuff, and sprint as fast as I can in business casual clothes to my car. As I make my escape, I expect Tina to call me back into her office, but she doesn't. When I make it to the car and slam the door closed, I cheer for myself. I was terrified that me putting my foot down would be the excuse Tina was looking for to fire me, but maybe she needs me more than I thought. Either that or she just really didn't care that I left on time today.

    As I pull out of the parking lot, I call Aaron.

    "Hey, babe."

    "You're never going to believe what just happened to me."

    "What?"

    "I told Tina I was leaving on time and she didn't stop me!"

When I say it out loud, I realize how insignificant my success sounds. Most people don't even need their boss's permission to leave at the normal time or they just leave without it. But not me, not pushover Rachel.

    "So you're on your way to dinner?" Aaron asks.

    "Yeah, just leaving now. I'll see in you in 20."

    "Okay, drive safe."

    I sing along to Ed Sheeran's newest album as I drive across town to Vasaggio's, the Italian place where we're eating dinner. Even though it's a Friday, weekends aren't especially exciting for me any more since they usually mean spending every waking moment with Emmalee. Still, her company is far superior to Tina's, so I have to count my blessings. Plus, I didn't take any work home with me tonight so I can actually focus on Aaron.

    Even though he's always understanding, I feel bad for how much I've neglected him this week. I know he wants to talk about whether or not he should take the promotion, but I've been putting off that conversation. I'm afraid to steer him one way or the other; I want him to go after what he wants, not make choices based on what I want. I don't even know what I want, and it's his life after all.