The Definition of Fate

Chapter 24

I am yours.
I am yours as the stars
belong to the sky
and I am yours as
the rivers belong
to the sea.
I am yours as your tears
belong to your eyes
and I am yours
as your lungs belong
to the pattern in which
you breathe.

- Christopher Poindexter

Yes.

That's the only word I text Josh after I return from having tea with Ellie. Yes. It's more than just yes to the date--it's my promise that I'll try again, that I'll let myself fall for him again, that I'll learn to trust him.

Yes.

Ellie's words stay with me for the rest of the drive home. You either want him or you don't. Though she's wise for her age, she has no idea how much I want Josh. I want him in my life for the rest of my life. I want him to be my life. And maybe she's right, maybe that's all there is to it. Maybe the betrayed trust and the heartbreak is irrelevant if we're committed to each other here and now, if we choose to want each other every day. I may not know what forever holds, but I do know that I want it with Josh. I always have.

A smile takes over my face, and I can't get rid of it. What sort of crazy twist of fate is this that we've been brought back together after all these years? What if this is our do-over, our second chance to love each other the way we always should have? Maybe it took all these years to turn us into the people we need to be to love each other well. I'm more careful, more selective with my trust and love. Josh is steadier and more loyal, more dedicated to the people he cares about. Maybe time was all we needed.

When I park, I pull out my phone to see if Josh responded. He did, of course.

Josh: Tomorrow night. 7:00. I'll pick you up.

My smile grows wider. The last time Josh and I dated, we did everything out of order. We were friends, we fell in love, and then we dated. Now Josh is trying to do right by us; we still need to get to know the people we've become, and this date is our chance.

When I go inside, Chloe is curled up on the couch watching yet another Netflix documentary and Hina is in the kitchen baking.

"Welcome home!" Hina calls and Chloe pauses her movie to turn to me.

"What's new?" she asks. "How was Ellie?"

"So, I, uh, made a big decision," I say, sitting on the couch next to Chloe.

Even though Chloe can be a little hard on me, I respect her judgment more than almost anyone's. She's only 26, but she's experienced more in her short life than most people ever will, and I can trust her to always give me her honest opinion even when it's not what I want to hear.

"About Josh?"
"Yeah. Ellie wanted to talk to me about how I haven't given Josh an answer about going out on a date and starting something between us again." I cross my legs underneath me and fiddle with the hem of my sweatpants. "I told her that it's hard for me to trust him again, but she just kept talking about how different he is, and I realized I believe her. I know he's only been back in my life for a few months, but I see a huge difference between who he is now and who he was then. He is different."

Just saying the words aloud takes a huge pressure off of my chest. If he's different, then he's not the same person who hurt me, and maybe, just maybe, he won't break me again.

"And?"

"And Ellie said, 'You either want him or you don't.' That's when I realized--I want him. I always have, and if anything, that's only increased since we've found each other again. We're on the same page now, Chlo. Josh actually knows what he wants for the first time since we met, and..." I release a sigh. "He wants me."