The Definition of Fate

Chapter 9

we began
with honesty
let us end
in it too

- rupi kaur

"Come back soon!" I yell after Jordan, Luis, and the girls as they climb into the minivan to head back to their suburban two-story.

"Oh, don't worry, we'll be back," Jordan yells, her torso hanging out the window while Luis tries to close it. "Love you, Rach!"

"I love you guys too!" I answer, still waving as their car disappears.

I stand on the curb for a moment and draw in a deep breath. With the rush of friends and family, this relocation has hardly felt real, but now it's starting to sink in. I head back up the stairs to my new apartment; Chloe is off at the farmer's market getting some fresh fruit and vegetables and Hina, our third roommate, has yet to return from a weekend away. Honestly, I'm glad she didn't have to meet me in all my sweaty, unpacking glory. Once inside the apartment, I head to my room, the first door on the left past the living room and kitchen.

The small bedroom is already starting to look like home. I've hung cheery white curtains around the windows, set up two bookshelves and a desk, and put a gray and purple quilt on my single bed. I step over a few of the unpacked boxes and climb onto the bed, falling back into the plush pillows and sighing.

I'm here. I'm really here. Right now, I feel like a visitor, like I'm going to wake up tomorrow in my old apartment with Emmalee, go to work for Tina again, and then spend the evening with Aaron. But all of that's gone. I made this decision to start over, and I swear I'm going to make it count.

I open my phone and review the twenty-three texts from Mom requesting a video tour of the apartment; I'll have to FaceTime her later this week so she can see my new place. If I don't, I'll never live it down. She also sent me a picture of fresh chocolate chip cookies, unashamedly trying to lure me home. I know she doesn't approve of me moving all the way out here, but I think she just wants to protect me. Every mom wants to protect their child from pain, and when I was nearby, she could take care of me. Now, I'm on my own again and the last time that happened, I came home destroyed.

I respond to a few texts from Emmalee and promise to call her sometime soon. Then I see a text from Aaron.

Of everyone from home, he's the only one I wish were here with me. I'm so used to telling him everything and sharing every second of my day with him that it feels wrong that he doesn't know all of the details of the move out here and exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. When I gave him the last of the things he'd left in my apartment, I told him I was moving away. Our final conversation consisted of me shoving a box into his arms and trying not to make eye contact.

But now he's texted me again, asking how the move went, and I call him back before I realize what I'm doing. I press the phone to my ear and chew on my lip, mistakes brimming at the tip of my tongue as the ring tone dials.

"Hello, Aaron Webb speaking."

I smile at his voice--soft, assured, and kind. "Hey, Aaron."

The phone is muffled for a moment as he shifts. "Rachel! Uh, hey. I didn't expect you to call."

This is a mistake. "Uh, should I not have called? I'm sorry. I just, I saw your text and I thought-"

"No, it's fine. I'm just surprised." He sighs against the phone and I feel my chest clench. "How...how are you? Have you moved yet?"

"Yeah, I just moved this weekend. Dad helped me drive my stuff out to Chloe's apartment and I'm just getting settled in, or trying to."

"That's great." A long pause passes. "I didn't...you didn't move because of me, did you?" Aaron's voice tightens.