The Definition of Fate

Chapter 51

Know this, and remember it
When the nights get long
Or the days get short

Or the space between the minutes

Is stretched out and pulled tight

Between us:

Wherever we go, whatever we do,

We will leave a trail behind us

For the world to see.

We will burn white

Into the blue of the sky,
And not a soul will be able to resist

Marveling

At the mark we have made.

- Tyler Knott Gregson

I refuse to look back at the Post as I leave. I will leave this part of my life in the past and I won't let one bad job destroy my career. I'll take the job Teresa Ortiz offered me. I'll move to Washington D.C., go to grad school, and work for the Literacy Council. For a moment, I feel a wave of excitement, but then I remember what I'm leaving behind.

Josh.

I have no idea how I'm going to do this.

"Rachel! Rachel, wait!"
The voice startles me just as I reach the glass doors that lure me towards freedom. I turn around and find Chloe sprinting after me, her curls bouncing as she runs. My stomach sinks. She may just be the last person I want to see right now.

"What are you doing?" She stops in front of me, panting from exertion and eyes swirling with rage.

I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin. "I quit."

"You can't be serious. Was Griffin going to fire you?"
"I--I don't know, but I quit. I had to, Chlo. I can't work here anymore."

"Yes, you can! You just...you can't just give up."

Her words sting me to the chore. I don't give up easily--I try too hard to fix things that are already broken. My job, my relationships, myself. I didn't give up on this job; I just reached a point where I couldn't keep going.

I draw in a tremulous breath and meet her eyes. "Chloe, I couldn't stay here. I...I hated what I was doing, I didn't like my coworkers, and I just felt so..." The pressure in my chest returns and my throat constricts. "I couldn't stay here."

"So you're just walking out?"

I force my eyes to open and my legs struggle to bear my weight. It's back. That haunting, heavy pressure that wants to take over my consciousness has returned. I thought that quitting would fix it, would make it go away, but it didn't.

"I have to go."

I stumble away from her, leaning on the door as I exit for fear that if I don't, I'll collapse. I trip on the stairs as I go down them, nearly falling, and stagger to my car.

"Rachel, wait! Let's talk about this!"

I turn behind me to find Chloe at the top of the stairs, standing in the doorway of the Post. She is angry and concerned and desperate at once, but she makes no move to come after me.

"It's my choice. I don't want to work here, and I'm not forcing myself to keep doing something that I hate. I...I'm trying to take care of myself, Chloe." Emotion bubbles in my throat and my voice breaks. "Please, you have to respect that."
Chloe chews on her lip and says nothing. We do need to talk, but there's someone else I need to talk to first. Josh. My decision looms between us and I can hardly breathe knowing that something of this magnitude could shatter us, that I'm going to injure Josh, perhaps beyond repair.