The Definition of Fate

Chapter 62

I hope with quiet sincerity

That the final words

that will ever leave

these lips of mine

Will always be
I love you.

- Tyler Knott Gregson

My head whirls with the revelation. This is Josh's apartment. He moved here for me; he left his mother and his sister and his job and his entire life to move to D.C. to be with me. Elation and guilt swirl within me and I open my mouth to speak but can't put words to how I feel. I'm overwhelmed by what he's done.

"This is yours?" I stutter, my eyes wide as I survey the room.

The apartment is about the size of mine, but I can tell Josh doesn't have roommates. I walk into a living room with a brown leather couch and a small flat screen; there's a picture of him, Ellie, and his mom hanging on the wall as the only decoration. The living room feeds to a small dining room with a scarred, unadorned wooden table and a kitchen with a few bags of groceries on the counter. Next to the dining room is a small balcony and a hallway descends with a bedroom and bathroom.

"You moved here?"

My voice squeaks as I turn back to Josh, eyes wide open. He smiles at me and the tips of his ears turn pink. He shrugs his shoulders and nods.

"I had to."

"But you...you walked out." I try to reconcile Josh closing my apartment door in my face and him renting his own place. "I'm so confused. What's going on?"

"Come with me," he says, reaching for my hand again.

I take it, wondering what else he could possibly surprise me with. I'm already stunned speechless by this gesture. An hour ago, I was afraid I'd never see him again, but here he is, sacrificing his entire life for me. This is beyond my wildest dreams.

Josh pulls me to the balcony and slides open the glass door. On the floor of the balcony, he's spread a red checkered picnic blanket with all sorts of food--pasta, salad, rolls, and cookies with Hina's signature flare. It takes me back to all of the picnics we've had: on the bench outside the Post, on the pier at the ranch, on the ski hill back in college. The simplicity and thoughtfulness of the gesture stuns me again and I freeze in the door.

"You...you did this? For me?"

Josh stands behind me, not quite touching me but close enough that I can sense his presence and feel his breath. "Who else would I do this for?"

I turn around and face him, the warm spring breeze tossing my curls into the air. "Josh, this is amazing, but please, tell me what's going on."
Josh shifts in front of me, running a hand through his dark hair and squaring his shoulders. "I screwed up, Rach, when I left two weeks ago. I should have stayed and talked to you, but I--I couldn't."

I sigh and look down at my feet. "I didn't mean to-to scare you away, or guilt you into anything."

"You didn't."

I look back up at him, confused. I thought this grand gesture was in response to my declaration.

"What?"

"I wasn't scared or pressured or anything. As soon as you said...as you said that you loved me, I wanted to say it too. Tell you how I felt. But I couldn't, not when I knew that we would go back to living separate lives and trying to make this work."

My breath catches in my throat and I hardly dare to believe this is happening. He feels the same way. He didn't say it in so many words, but Josh loves me. My hopes, my dreams have come true and I'm ecstatic with the news.