The Definition of Fate

Chapter 18

"Just go to her and say hello."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid."
"Of saying hello?"
"Not of saying hello. Hellos are wonderful. They lead to adventures, and memories."
"Then what is it?"
"Because every single hello inevitably turns into a heartbreaking goodbye.
And I am so very tired of saying goodbye."
- Nikita Gill

Josh and I are stranded in a vacuum, neither of us able to sever the strings that have tied our souls together from the very beginning. This is my chance to end what began six years ago, but I can't. This ending is everything I never wanted but what my soul has needed in Josh's absence. Here in his presence, however, goodbye has lost all its appeal.

"Josh!"

A warm, singsong voice interrupts the moment of decision and I jump at the sound. A blonde haired teenager bounces down the stairs of the lodge, wrapping her arms around Josh's shoulders from behind. Though it's been years, I recognize the adoration in her eyes. Ellie.

"Hey, Elle," Josh greets her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

The little girl I remember has transformed into a beautiful teenager with honey blonde waves, round sapphire eyes, and a cherub's face. She wears a loose tank top and jean shorts on her short curvy figure.

"Hey yourself." She punches him in the arm and glances at me.

I smile hesitantly--we only met once so I doubt she even remembers I exist, much less recognizes me.

"Uh, Elle, do you remember Rachel?" Josh says, gesturing to me. "She's...I knew her in college."

I knew her in college. Is that all we are, old college acquaintances? I can think of a hundred other ways to describe our relationship. College sweethearts. Best friends. Lovers. Soulmates.

"Oh my gosh, Rachel!" she squeals, leaping towards me and wrapping me in a suffocating hug. "It's so good to see you! This is crazy! Holy crap, what are you doing here? Are you here to see Josh?"

I return the embrace and laugh as she extricates herself from me, holding my shoulders. "Uh, no. I just moved to Columbus and I was given a story about one of the activities you guys host here."

"Oh, that's right! You're a journalist. Josh told me all about how you worked for the college paper, right? It's so crazy you're here! Josh talks about you--"

Josh clears his throat and interrupts Ellie's ramble. I grin when I see his face starting to turn red. He scratches the back of his head and glances at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"Uh, that's enough, Elle."

He's talked about me. I was afraid that my role in his past would be replaced or erased, but it reassures me to know that I'm still a part of him like he's a part of me. Being around him again is like having a piece of myself returned to me.

"So has Josh shown you around? Don't you love the camp? I still can't believe that we own this place!" Ellie says, throwing her arms wide and spinning in a circle.

"Yeah, he just gave me a tour," I answer, unable to resist a smile at Ellie's enthusiasm. "It's pretty incredible. You guys live here? At the camp?"

"Yeah, we live in a little bungalow on the opposite side of the lake, away from all the screaming kids." Ellie wrinkles her freckled nose as if those kids aren't the same age as her. "Want to see it? Josh and I can show you, and you can say hi to Mom! I'm sure she'd love to see you again."

I'm pretty sure Ellie's more excited to see me right now than Josh is, but he's always sucked at expressing how he feels.

"Um, sure. If you don't mind, Josh?"