The Definition of Fate

Chapter 37 - Part 1

There is so much history in the way he looks at her.
In the way he says her name.
When they are together, there is a current that runs between them;
like an electric charge on the verge of erupting into a perfect storm.
I don't love her anymore, he says.
And it is in the way he says the word, her--
that tells me otherwise.

"Oh my gosh, Josh. It's so amazing! They've built this entire environment where everyone's experiences are valued and included and they're developing more than just literacy skills. They're developing a little community, and it's just..." I stop to catch my breath and look up at him.

He gazes at me without hearing a word I say. His thick eyelashes fall over glittering eyes and he smiles, stalling the words in my throat. "I love when you get excited about something. You haven't been like this in a while."

Love. The word lingers between us, and it shocks me that Josh has come the closest to using it. I blush just imagining saying the words I've withheld for so long aloud.

I look down and kick a pebble on the path around the camp's lake. "Well, it was all your idea. You were right; this is just what I needed. Thank you."

Josh stops and catches my other hand so we're facing. The last rays of the sun set behind his head and reflect against the lake. The smell of the pines is rich and the cold air hints at winter. I shiver as a tendril of wind catches the nape of my neck and Josh shrugs out of his thick flannel shirt, draping it over my shoulders. The oversized shirt smells like campfire smoke and the earthy forest, and I tug it closer around me.

I reach for Josh's face, my fingers catching in his short beard, and I lean onto my tiptoes to kiss him. Josh grabs the loose material of the shirt at the curve of my back and pulls me against him, his other hand framing half of my face. I lose all sense of time and feeling outside the places where he touches.

Dad's unwanted words echo through my head: "Are you sure he's changed? That he won't betray you again?" I realize that I am sure; I don't have doubts any more. I loved the boy he was, but not nearly as much as I'm learning to love the man he's become. Knowing this Josh has only expanded my ability to love him--every day, I love him more and more.

Josh and I have been taking it slow under my insistence, but maybe that's the wrong move. I know with a certainty in my soul that Josh and I reuniting after all these years isn't chance just as much as I know that he is indelibly imprinted in my heart, a part of me I will never be able to ignore. Maybe with this certainty, we should move more quickly instead of slowly. Which means we need to take one big step.

I stop Josh with a hand on his chest and he pulls away from me. "We need to talk about something."

Josh pulls away from me, his eyebrows furrowed. "Is something wrong?"
"Uh, no. Not exactly." I catch his hand and stare down at it, tracing the lines in his palm like he does to mine. "I told my parents about us, and they weren't exactly supportive."

"Do they know...what happened?"
"Yeah. Dad's willing to give you a chance, but Mom, well, she's a little more skeptical. I told her that you changed, but she didn't believe me."

"Do you believe I've changed?" Josh asks, his voice raspy.

He looks down at me and I watch a muscle in his jaw twitch. His insecurities play across his face, echoes of what drove him into self-destruction not so long ago.

"Yeah. I do. That's why I want you to come to my house for Thanksgiving. I told Mom and Dad that you aren't going anywhere, so Dad wants to re-meet you. I know you were probably going to have Thanksgiving with your mom and Ellie, but--"

"I'll be there," Josh says, cutting me off. He squeezes my hands in his. "You want me there, and I'll be there."

Emotion chokes me. The Josh I knew before, the boy just out of high school, was only a shadow of the man he's turned into. This promise to be here for me when I need him is everything I've ever wanted and needed.

"Josh, I know we've been taking everything slow but maybe...maybe I was wrong. We both know we want to be together, and I...I don't want to lose you again. Ever."

Josh grins at me, his teeth slightly crooked. "Rach, I told you I'm all in." He tugs me closer to him and holds my face in his hands.

Right before his lips touch mine, I whisper, "I am too."

~~~~~

What do you think will happen when Josh and Rachel's parents meet again? Will they give him a second chance the way Rachel has?