The Definition of Fate

Chapter 13

he isn't coming back
whispered my head

he has to
sobbed my heart

- Rupi Kaur

I'd love to see you again.

Josh's words ring in my heart and mind for the next week as I trail mindlessly after the other senior reporters, paying little attention to what they do. I can see his face ever before me, transforming in a smile, laughing, eyebrows shooting up when he saw me.

Josh is here in Columbus, the very city where I'm supposed to find my second chance. So far, my new start feels more like an episode of the Twilight Zone. The coincidence is too great, too cataclysmic, too extraordinary to be anything but a turning point.

For the first time, I have two diverging options: to use this singular encounter as a chance to put Josh in my past once and for all or to give him--us--a second chance. The first option has been the only choice I've had for so long, but in Josh's request to talk, to see me again, he offered me a second chance. A second chance at what? At reconciliation, at finality, at friendship? At love?

I know the right answer, the safe answer, the only answer. I can't try again; I can't let him explain away what happened all those years ago. I can't risk losing my heart to him again, so I have to pray we don't run into each other. I mean, how likely is it that I'll stumble upon him again in a city of almost 900,000 people? About as likely as running into him the first time.

As Chloe and I cross the street to enter the Post, I catch myself scouring every street for any sign of Josh. I know I'm being paranoid and ridiculous, but I can't help it; half of me is eager to see him again, but the other half is terrified. I know the power he has over me. I gave it to him, or he stole it from me, all those years ago, and if I deceived myself into thinking that power would dissipate over time, I was wrong.

All I want right now is for today to be over so I can hide away in my room all weekend and avoid the outside world. I plan to pick up a half gallon of Dutch Chocolate ice cream on the way home and not emerge from my room until Monday morning.

"So are you looking forward to getting your first piece next week?" Chloe asks me as the elevator ascends.

If I'm honest, I haven't thought much about work. How can I with Josh in my head and my city? Not actually having to do any reporting this week has allowed me to wallow in my reflections, but I need to focus on my job now.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean, it'll be good to start working as an equal," I answer. Following other reporters around makes me feel like a lowly intern again.

"You're meeting with Griffin today, right?"
"Mr. Fitzpatrick?" A shiver runs down my spine. "Yeah. I'm planning to ask for Entertainment and Lifestyle. I do well with that section," I answer.

The elevator slides open and I sigh. I really don't have the energy to meet with the enigma that is my boss right now. Who knows what he'll ask me today: What's your purpose in life? How does that coincide with your work at the Post? Why do you really think you belong here? Do you deserve this job? I can already feel myself melting into a puddle of self-doubt in front of him.

Chloe waves goodbye as she rushes off to the editorial section of the floor and I head over to where Alaina sits behind a massive PC on a rolling chair. "Morning, Alaina."

"Hi, Miss Evans!"

Dang, that makes me feel old. "Rachel, please."

"Good morning, Rachel." She gives me a sunny smile. "You and Mr. Fitzpatrick are meeting at nine, right?"