The Definition of Fate

Chapter 56

You were the one

I wanted most
To stay.

But time could not
Be kept at bay.

The more it goes

The more it's gone

The more it takes away.

- Lang Leav

"I can't believe you're moving again," Tommy grumbles as he sets another box into the back of Josh's Jeep. "You should have to pay me for slave labor."

"I'll give you five bucks to buy ice cream on the way home," I say, shoving him in the shoulder as he goes back into the apartment building to grab the rest of my stuff.

Mom and Dad appear at the base of the stairs, carrying a few more crates and I take the end of one marked "sweaters" and help Mom load into the trunk. With my Bug on its last legs, I sold it to Ellie and I'm going to use public transportation until I can save up enough money to find a good replacement. In the meantime, Josh is driving me to my new apartment in D.C. It's really just an excuse for us to squeeze a few more hours together before the ultimate goodbye. Honestly, I'll take what I can get; I only have a few days before I officially start my new job, but even that is tainted bittersweet by all the goodbyes.

Mom releases the crate and sags against the Jeep's back end, wiping her hand across her forehead. "Rachel, are you sure this is a good idea?"

I think back to only six months ago when I moved from my hometown in Pennsylvania to here. I thought I would have a chance to heal and recreate myself here; I never expected to see Josh again, much less to have a second chance to write our story together. I didn't expect to pass out and be diagnosed with a mental illness or to face sexual harassment and bullying at my job. I certainly didn't expect to quit my job and my career in journalism.

Even though my time here ended up being shorter than I expected, it was exactly what I needed. Now I'm moving again and closing another chapter of my life, but I can't leave all of it behind. At least not Josh.

"Mom, I've never been more excited about a job before. I know it's a lot and I know it seems like I don't know what I'm doing." I stop and grin. "Maybe I don't, but I can't work a mediocre job I hate for the rest of my life. I won't do that."

Dad smiles at me, laugh lines stemming from the corners of his dark eyes. "You would never be satisfied with anything less than the best, sweet pea."

I blush--wondering if that's my blessing or curse. In friendships, romance, work, and school, I've always wanted the best that life can offer, but now that drive is forcing me to leave Josh, the best man I've ever known. Stop, Rach. You made your decision. Don't belabor it.

"I never thought we'd be able to get you out of this town, not with that boy here," Mom says.

"That 'boy' is the one who took me to the hospital when I passed out," I answer.

"And just what are you going to do about that? Why not return home where we can look out for you instead of moving to a new city without any sort of support system?"
Trying to deal with my anxiety in a new place is one of my biggest concerns, but I talked with my psychologist and found a highly recommended therapist in D.C.. I'm going to start therapy right away, and Dr. Moretti prescribed me pills for panic attacks. I hope these will be enough to get me back up on my feet in D.C.

"I'll have therapy, but I'll also have you and Josh and everyone else supporting me. I'll be fine, Mom."

"How long do you have to stay in D.C. before they can assign you somewhere else? There are a lot of Puerto Ricans in Allentown, you know."