The Definition of Fate

Chapter 48

She is not the girl that she used to be
or the woman that she had thought

she would grow up to become.

She was something different entirely.

Certainly not as together as she had expected,
but still somehow more complete than
she could ever have imagined.

She was softer from all the storms
and not nearly as reckless with her heart and,
inally, she was completely unapologetic
in all of her tarnished glory.

- Becca Lee

"What?" I sputter, his words astounding me. "What are you talking about?"

"This literacy work!" Josh says, motioning towards Genevieve and the book fair. "You love it; your face lights up and you're so happy when you're helping out there, and you hate your job. Maybe this literacy stuff is what you should be doing."

It's been in front of me this whole time. I've been volunteering as a tutor for months now, but I've never considered it as a career until now. Even though I only have a week of probation at work left, I've been too stubborn to consider that the problem is with my entire career, not just this specific job. I don't enjoy writing and researching articles anymore. I hate going into the Post every morning, but I spent years getting a good degree in journalism and working at various newspapers. Am I going to give it up now?

"I spent years dreaming of doing what I am now, of being a reporter for a newspaper," I say by way of an excuse.

"But do you like it?" Josh prods, squeezing my hand.

"No," I answer before I can stop myself. "I don't like it, not anymore, but I just...I don't want to give up. I don't want to fail."

"Rach, it's not failure to stop doing something you hate."

What's stopping me from leaving journalism? Is it stubbornness? Pride? Fear? Probably a little of all three. It's true, I've spent years of my life pursuing something that is no longer my passion. It's like I chased the rainbow, but when I got to the end, the pot of gold was empty. The career I expected to be fulfilling and enjoyable I now hate.

"Do you think...should I quit?"

Josh shrugs. "I don't know, I'm not saying that. Maybe it's just the Post, but it seems like this literacy stuff makes you happy."

When Teresa Ortiz, the lady from the National Literacy Council, originally told me about this program, I was ecstatic and I wanted to be a part of it. Now that I am a part of it, joining Genevieve to tutor every week, I love it. Josh is right; it makes me happy.

"Helping people has always made you happy," Josh says, interrupting my racing thoughts. "Not writing, not researching, but what if you could use what you learned to help people through this literacy work?"

"Helping people," I repeat.

He's right. I do enjoy helping people, but I never considered that as a career. Could I work alongside people like Teresa and Genevieve, helping to organize and run these events? I know I'd enjoy it, but would I be good at it? Well, you're not good at journalism anymore, so why not give it a try?

"I could call Teresa," I murmur. "I could ask her if there even are any jobs in literacy, or if I'm even qualified. There's a good chance I'm not."

"But it wouldn't hurt to ask," Josh says. "You heard Genevieve; you're really good at this, and if you enjoy it, why not just call her and see?"

No big deal. No risk. It can't hurt. But I'm already planning out what would happen if there is a job. Would I need to go back to school? Would I have to take a huge pay cut? Does it even pay? What if I quit and the job fell through? What if I have to move?