Love is Not Bullshit

2⎮Sharing (dirty) socks

I spend a good ten minutes in the bathroom once he's come out. I wash my face and brush my teeth with my index finger, the motion reminding me of when I was little and my mum would forget to pack my toothbrush for sleepovers. I actually did a happy dance when I spotted the tube of toothpaste. Even though I'm mad at Julian, he was right about my breath (that doesn't in any way change the fact that he's a dirty, insignificant, rude worm). 

I'm always mad at Julian, I don't even know why. He simply irritates me and that's why I stay put on the toilet. My feet are drawn near my legs but the lid of the toilet is quite cold. I should have brought my puppy blanket with me, but I didn't want to give the impression I planned on occupying the bathroom for an eternity. 

I don't like the way Julian looks at me, as if he doesn't understand me at all but firmly believes everything will click to him and I'll make perfect sense. I should tell him I never make any sense. The things is, I cannot be confined in a room with him. I'm bound to go insane. 

So, my options are two. I can either wait till my body freezes in the bathroom or I could go insane under a warm blanket. When I feel like I've become an ice block, I begrudgingly return to the warmth of the bed. He's still in the same position, his pillow propped against the wall so that he can lean against it. I get under the blanket, trying not to shiver too much.

"I'm sorry about what I said before" my lips turn upwards in a sheepish smile, so Julian is sorry. Those words sound quite nice coming out of his mouth, he should say them more often. Just when I'm about to reply to him his eyebrows rise and his mouth forms an o shape. "Your feet are freezing" and I realise I moved them too close to his legs. 

Before I can draw my legs away, he manoeuvres in the bed till he's holding my feet. His hands start moving in circular motions, and slowly I feel the blood returning to my toes and my cheeks. Is he giving me a massage? "What -what are you doing?"

"Warming up your feet". He says that like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Has he gone crazy? I briefly wonder if my feet smell bad and if I should anticipate another nasty comment about the odours I'm emanating but he looks like he's concentrating. 

"You don't have to do that". As I speak those words, I know I don't want him to stop. My feet are getting warmer. The mere movement of Julian's hands brushing my ankle and calf does wonders to the temperature of my body and I begin to relax. 

He's not looking at me, he looks rather concentrated in moving his thumb up and down the sole of my foot and my leg goes very stiff. I don't know if he's aware of  the feelings his hands are provoking in me but, when he looks up, I forget how to breathe. Well not really, but I have to swallow really hard or saliva will be pouring out of my lips in a second. 

"Do you want my socks?". I'm slightly thrown off by his question and I laugh at him. Socks are private pieces of clothing and he's not offering me clean socks, he probably sweated in them. The moment he drops my feet on the duvet they become cold again and I want his hands to touch me again. I try convincing myself it's strictly for the warmth he emanates. If he notices my pained expression he doesn't comment on it, he simply takes his socks off and places them on my nightstand.

I watch as he rummages around the room. He opens the closet, which only contains spiderwebs,  and checks the radiator which I know has remained cold all night. 

When he closes the bathroom door after him, I eye his socks suspiciously. They have green and red stripes and they would reach till about half my calf... I sniff them and conclude they don't smell that bad. 

Connor wouldn't mind me wearing another guy's socks, it's not like it's Julian's jacket or anything. I shouldn't feel guilty, it's not like I decided to be stuck in a cold room with him and he was just touching my feet. It's possibly the least erotic part of me he could have been touching and it was just to warm me up.