Love is Not Bullshit

6⎮First dates

"What are you doodling?" 

"Oh nothing" I scrunch up the piece of paper I was writing on before Marika can take a peek. 

"Why are you hesitant about going on a date with sweet Jules?" we're supposed to be finishing a Biology experiment but it's the last day of school before Christmas, so nobody is doing anything productive. We have mocks in January but now it's not the time to worry about them. 

"I don't know, I guess I'm worried I'll hurt him, again" 

"I don't think you should worry so much, just think: would going on a date with Jules make me happy? If yes then go ask him, if the answer is no you're always in time to tell him you changed your mind" I think Julian would actually never talk to me again if I were to say oh actually sorry but I was wrong, I don't actually like you. 

"I do want to go on a date with him" 

"Then you should do it, I know you said you wanted to reflect on things or whatever but you'll only know if you really like him if you spend time with him" Mari is so wise, that's why we're friends. I make stupid decisions or don't make any decisions and she finds solutions. A perfect match. 

✺

"Julian!" 

It feels like I've been shouting his name for eternity. I try to hurry before his backpack disappears from my line of vision but the hallway is so crowded for him to hear me. 

The bell signalling the start of two glorious weeks of holiday has rung and school turned into a mayhem, more than what it usually is anyways. Majority of people left already, ready to forget the meaning of the word school,  some girls linger around their lockers, exchanging the last secret Santa gifts, acting like they won't see their friends for at least a year. We can be so dramatic. 

I've stepped on someone's jacket and bumped my bag in at least three different people but I've got to reach Julian before he leaves. 

"Julian"  He finally hears me and slowly turns around, his confused eyes take a while to land on me, still standing some distance away, and then one of his cute smiles easily slips onto his lips. 

I feel like it has become a mandatory thing for me to feel breathless around him, not that I mind really. As long as I get to say his name and receive his gorgeous smile in return I'll let my heart run its marathon. 

"Nora hey" His voice is calm and cool, exactly like I'm feeling. His eyes don't give away what he's thinking but his smile is sweet, I think he could never really be mad at me. Even though it did take me almost a week to make up my mind about going out with him. And he was mad at me, just the other weekend. But never mind about that, now's not the time to be thinking about the past. 

"Are you busy tonight?" Before he can reply someone knocks into my shoulder but Julian's hand is quick to steady me and I smile up at him, grateful. Although, I wouldn't really have minded stumbling into him. When I raise my eyes to his again he's looking somewhere to my right and I turn to see Jess standing there.

"Hey I just wanted to wish you happy holidays" she's talking to him of course, she barely seems to notice my presence. She looks really pretty, she got a new haircut the other day which makes hey eyes pop out. 

I stand a little aside, trying to mind my own business but I know Julian's eyes are looking in my direction while he hugs her. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable but I don't want to leave either, so when Jess releases him, looking a little flustered I wave at her and wish her a good holiday.