Love is Not Bullshit

21⎮Are secrets really secret?

His kisses are electrifying. They're slow and soft and oh so easy to get lost into. When he kisses me like this, as if we have all the time in the world everything but me and him becomes kind of static. My usual ways of hurrying from one thing to another are suspended, here, in the circle of our bodies, there is nothing to worry about, nothing to attend to. I don't need to concentrate to feel his kisses reach the crooks of my elbows, the tips of my ears, the cracks between my toes. His warmth spreads everywhere, comforting, loving, exhilarating. When he breaks away from me, his swollen lips are the first thing I see and as always I'm mesmerised by the sight of him. Our breaths are shaking, they mingle together. When I risk looking into his eyes he winks at me. 

I sigh and place my head on his warm chest, his free arm encircles me. It's raining outside, April showers, and I have the sudden urge to drag him outside with me and let the raindrops soak us. 

"I can tell there's something on your mind" I smile, pleased. He can always tell when something is off, he's a very attentive person. Which is one of the things I love the most about him. 

"Do you want to go out in the rain with me?" 

"Didn't you get wet enough walking from school to here?" 

"You can never be wet enough" I feel his laugh, more than hear it. 

"Was that really what you were thinking about?" 

"Well there's something else but I'm not sure I can tell you" 

"Girl code or something?" 

"Something like that" 

"Is it about Bianca and Evens?" he starts playing with my curls and I tilt my head to the side so I can look him in the eyes, "Adrian's my buddy but I can still talk about his ex-girlfriend and her questionable date choice- if it makes you feel better" 

"It's not about Bianca" He visibly relaxes and I roll my eyes. 

"Marika then? Shaina?" 

"How do you know I'm friends with Shaina?" 

"I don't know, I just see you guys talking" he tilts my chin towards him so he can see my eyes, "What happened to Mary then?" 

"You're good, I'll give you that. But I don't think I should tell you" 

He's looking at me, a perturbed look in his eyes before the fog clears away. I only detect a tiny bit of hesitance in his voice. "You shouldn't tell me she's in love with Bianca?" 

"How do you know?" Perhaps I should be shocked that he knows but then he's always one step ahead than the rest of us, or at least one step ahead of me. 

"I can tell she likes her, the way she acts around Bianca is different" 

"How could you tell?" I certainly couldn't. 

"Uh okay, you know when we went to Andrew's party and I left early with Adrian?" I nod, when he was mad at me. "I was with Marika and Adrian smoking outside and we happened to see Bianca making out with Evens. They both had the same shell-shocked expression on their face, as if they didn't want to believe what was happening in front of them" Where was I during all of that? Talking to Connor the whole time? I wonder why nobody told me. 

"That doesn't prove anything" 

"You know all the times you complain about Bianca and how she's so stubborn and doesn't listen to you?" I nod again, "Mary never does that, she never speaks a bad word about Bianca and in some way I guess that's her way to show her loyalty to her? Even if she doesn't agree with the choices Bianca makes"