Love is Not Bullshit

15⎮Magic places

"Can I break his nose?" 

Eva's sitting on my desk, her jeans clad legs are sprawled on my chair, her red nails tapping away on my desk. She looks devilish. I roll my eyes, sometimes she can be even more dramatic than I am. A lot scarier too. 

It's been two weeks since the thing with Jason happened and I'm feeling a lot better, I'm less angry and a lot more in control of my feelings. The truth is if I think about it for too long I still shake a little but yesterday I told my friends and they were really supportive and Eva deserved to know too and eventually I'll also tell my parents. 

Jason was back in class but he has a special seat right next to the teacher. I was scared he might complain about it or even try to talk to me but the only time our eyes crossed this past week he looked away immediately as if my eyes could scorch him. 

"My boyfriend already took care of it" 

"Sure he has Julian would never hurt anyone, he's as aggressive as a sheep" I laugh because it's true, Julian is  kindhearted and tranquil, he would never resort to violence to solve problems and I really love that about him. 

This past week he hasn't left my side once and although I like my independence, sometimes it's nice to be cared for and looked after, sometimes allowing people to love us is the best present we can give ourselves.

"If that boy messes with you again he'll have less teeth than grandpa" I roll my eyes but there is no point in hiding my smile. In moments like this I like having a sister who's almost my own age, who always has my back. Sometimes I look at her and I see myself, a bit like a mirror who can talk back to you. 

"You can't throw a punch to save your life"

"I'm taking a self-defence class so while you're busy going on dates with your puppy-eyed boyfriend I'm making the muscles grow" She suggests I should go with her and maybe I will. It wouldn't hurt to know a few tricks to feel a little safer. 

Eva turns down the volume of the Summer Hits playlist we're listening to (even though summer is months away) and lies down on the bed next to me, her head on my stomach. She doesn't say anything for a while and I play with her hair, it's been so long since I spent time just chilling with my sister. 

If there is something else I learnt in this period is that sometimes it's okay to just lie in your bed or take a long bath, it's okay to take life slowly without always dashing around. 

"Was Jason your friend?" Was Jason my friend? I've thought a lot about it because honestly speaking he was, we didn't hang out after school or anything like that but I had his number saved on my phone as Maths Buddy so I can't say he was a stranger and I certainly didn't expect him to turn against me. 

"Not exactly, we have different groups of friends but we sat next to each other for months now in Maths, we would work together on questions and stuff and it was so unexpected- I don't know why all of a sudden he would act like that" 

"He's just an asshole Nora"

"Okay but why would he do that to me? I was his Maths buddy, I never gave him any indication that I liked him" 

"Your skirt was enough apparently" She sounds mad and I know it must be hard for her too, seeing her sister so wrecked about a stupid boy who doesn't deserve even a moment of my thoughts. 

"Do you think people don't respect me?" 

"Nora you need to stop questioning things, he did a stupid thing and got punished and what he did has nothing to do with the person you are. If anything it says a lot about him but you have zero faults" At the bottom of my heart, in every angle of my brain I know it's not my fault, I know it was him but I can't stop myself from wondering why.