Love is Not Bullshit

11⎮Starless nights

"What are they doing?"

Bianca settles in the chair in front of me and I shrug looking up. Julian and Jessica stand some metres away, they seem to be talking about something. They've been talking since lunch started. Bianca opens her salad and stabs the lettuce leaves with such force her plastic fork breaks, I'm not quick enough to hide my smile. An exasperated sigh escapes her lips and I offer her my own fork. She looks really pretty, her blonde hair is in a braid and her eyes stand out. I wonder if she talked to Adrian.

"Doesn't it annoy you that they're always talking?" I bite my lip, trying to think of the right solution to the question on the sheet. The canteen is not the best place to do homework but I have music plugged in one ear to zone out the noise, apparently we're not allowed to eat in the library. To be completely honest it does bother me the tiniest bit, but they are friends and I've practically broken her heart.

"They're just friends"

"Sure, she totally wants to fuck him" My eyes widen at her words, Bianca doesn't know what subtle is. At all. Despite myself I laugh at her words. I haven't told her that I had sex with Julian, I should probably tell her but she's been so preoccupied with her own relationship lately that I didn't know when to mention it. I told Eva and I smile thinking about her reaction, she rolled her eyes and muttered something like I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone in the house. Then she proceeded to ask me every single little detail which I willingly shared, I get all warm just thinking about it. 

"Jess is not like that, she wouldn't you know" Even though Jessica might be mad at me right now she would never do anything beyond flirting with my boyfriend. I hope.

"Yeah? Is that why they're holding hands?" My smile drops at her words, sure enough when I look at them their hands are intertwined. This time around I can't conceal the hurt from showing in my eyes. Julian is laughing at something she said, oblivious to the world. They're blocking the whole lunch queue. "She's so doing it on purpose"

"Maybe" I should really go to the library, studying here is not going to work, especially if Jessica's hand keeps brushing my boyfriend's shoulder. Bianca pushes away her salad, a dubious expression in her eyes. 

"I don't know where you get the kind of self-control, aren't you jealous?" She doesn't wait for me to reply "I would be furious with Adrian if he pulled something like that, I mean how dare he, right in front of you"

"Doesn't the fact that they're in front of me prove nothing is going on?" There must be some sort of explanation. I'll just ask Julian about it and everything will be fine. Jessica is just flirting a little with him, no big deal. I just need to concentrate on my breathing exercises and my heart will go back to normal. Better yet: I need to concentrate on my calculus exercises. 

"It looks like he's so absorbed he didn't even notice you're here" I feel my eye twitch. Sometimes I really wonder who's side she's on, it feels like she's playing the game all on her own. 

✺

One of my favourite songs is playing and yet I can't find it in me to do anything more than slowly sway my hips to the rhythm. Shaina had to leave early and I've lost my other friends in the crowd so I'm stuck with Julian. He's in front of me, standing a little too close due to the amount of people around us. His glasses have been forgotten home and that ridiculous smile hasn't left his lips the whole night, I wish I could kiss them. Instead he just irritates me. I mean what if Bianca is right?

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" His fingers brush my cheek and I move away. The fact that he's bothering to ask only in the midst of the confusion only makes me madder, he doesn't really care.