Love is Not Bullshit

17⎮When the unexpected happens

I thought going home, thinking about what happened between us would make me see the situation from another perspective. 

I'd like to take an objective, neutral position. Maybe the position of an outsider that doesn't know me or Julian, who doesn't have an opinion about the subject at hand and is just formulating a thought on the matter. 

But I can't do it. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I'm not in the wrong, or at least not completely. Maybe I'm a little judgmental towards the idea of taking a gap year but that's just because I don't think he's going to spend it in a useful manner. Like learning a language, or a new skill or something. Because if he had somewhat of a plan I would have been more understanding. 

I would have overlooked the fact that he was harbouring this thought for so long and he never shared it with me, me! I always share everything, whatever it is that goes through my head and he forgets to mention such important details. I mean I know he didn't forget, he chose not to tell me. How hard could it have been to say: Oh Nora by the way I'm debating whether university might be the best next step to take, maybe I want to do something else. 

Or am I so judgemental that he was scared of talking to me? Am I that bad? 

I'm nursing a chai tea latte which is kind of lukewarm right now. Marika and I are going over our Biology notes together, or better she's making flashcards and I'm getting lost in my thoughts. It was her idea to come here and while the place is cute and quiet most of the time, I find it really hard to concentrate. There is so much going on - I get distracted watching the barista or by observing the people waiting at the traffic light, it's not a good ambience for me. 

"Do you think Bianca's okay?" Marika nibbles the top of her pen and I shoo away any residual thoughts of Julian. 

"You're worried?" She texted us after lunch, saying she had something urgent to tell us. 

"Well- she never really tells us anything" true point, "what could be so important that she texts us both?" 

"Maybe it's just another cute boy she met" even while I say it I'm not convinced, boy-talk is mostly to pass the time, she wouldn't summon us together unless- unless something big happened. "You think she finally made up her mind about Adrian?" 

"She won't break up with him" she says it in a way that tells me she doesn't want me to try and change her mind, she simply doesn't see it as a possibility. And that's what I thought too but anything is possible right? 

As if on cue, the doorbell chimes and the devil herself walks in.  She isn't wearing red stilettos but she looks like a diva. Or well half of one. She's got the height and the body but she's wearing ridiculous sunglasses that cover half her face. Why is she wearing sunglasses in the middle of winter is beyond me. Maybe she's come to tell us she's gone crazy. I silently laugh at that thought, I've always known she wasn't completely sane. 

While Marika tries to make some space, our notes seem to be sprawled everywhere, I can only stare at our friend with a baffled expression. 

"Mary- is Bianca actually smiling?" I don't mean to depict my friend like a witch. But well she kind of is. Half of the time she tends to ignore most people, if she can, and she only smiles if you say something really amusing. She's chatting to the waiter and smiling. Could it be that studying for exams actually makes her happy? 

"Hello girls" she flops down on the seat between us and places a pink coloured milkshake in front of her. "How's Bio going?" Her ridiculous sunglasses are still on and I can't keep a straight face. Marika answers for the both of us while I stare suspiciously at her, could it really be?