Notes:
12-11-17
The boy I loves got another girl....hell he might be fucking her right now! I don't have an apartment and I thought if I was smart I'd make it far but I'm still at the start! Everyone just ends up running from me in the end so why try?
I closed the notepad on my phone and laid back on the seat of my car. That's where I was living right now. I would go back to my parents but they hate me so my car it is. How did my life become so shitty? Well I was in college but my scholarship was canceled because the college had done too many and I was the last one of the few to get one. After that I stayed in my apartment and paid for it with my job money.
Of course, things got worse so the store I worked at had to let some people go. I was one of the 5 who got laid off. Due to my luck, I found no other hiring places which meant I couldn't pay rent and was kicked out. I stayed with my best friend Jonah and everything was fine. We even dated for a few months then he all of the sudden ended things.
I left his house and now I'm in my car. I still love him but I know he doesn't feel the same. Through social media, I found out that he has a new girl who is 10x gorgeous than me. I guess I get why he chose her...That explains everything right now. I decided to get some sleep so I put on the sun protector on, locked my car, laid the seat back, and grabbed a blanket.
12-14-17
Met back up with the boy I love. He made me cry on the streets of L.A. I don't have a life and all I do is pretend that I'm okay so my friends don't see my heart in the blender. Lately, I've been killing through the time by reading messages from you, hell it's my favorite way to die.
After writing on my notebook, I again laid back. I cried thinking about my day. I didn't even try to stop the tears. I thought about earlier...
Flashback/Earlier
I woke up to my alarm set to 9:00 am I jumped in the back and struggled to put my clothes on. I managed to find $10 on the street so I was going to buy some pop tarts and ice tea. They were both cheap and long-lasting. It should get me to next week. I unlocked my door and got out. I don't have much gas left so I decided to walk to the Dollar Store.
Timeskip
I was walking around L.A just to clear my head. My food and drink were in my car and I didn't have much to do. I still had $1 so I walked into Dunkin' Donuts to buy a donut and be able to charge my phone. I got my food and sat in a stool as my phone charged.
I heard the bells above the door jingle, indicating someone was coming in. I didn't think anything of it and continued enjoying my snack until I heard my name being called. I looked up and saw none other than Jonah Marais. I quickly unplugged my phone and grabbed my snack. I hurriedly walked out. I heard footsteps behind me and assumed that it was him so I picked up my pace. My arm was grabbed forcing me to turn and meet him.
"What do you want?" I spat trying to hold in the tears.
"I just wanted to apologize. I heard you weren't doing good and-" Jonah began but I cut him off.
"Why do you care!? You're the one who made things worse Jonah! Keep your apology!" I said with tears now running down my face.
Jonah stayed there stunned and I ran away.
Now
I laid in my seat and cried. Like I wrote, I read the old messages and I did die on the inside. I guess it is the best way since I could think about some good times. I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up the next day and walked around again. Of course knowing my luck, Jonah saw me. I tried to run again be he grabbed my wrist.
"I know I made your life worse and I'm sorry. I only ended things because my manager forced me to but I told him that I didn't care anymore and I've been trying to find you Y/n," Jonah explained.
"Why are you trying to find me? You have a girlfriend and you made it quite clear when you broke up with me that you no longer wanted to be friends!" I yelled.
People were staring but I didn't care. He needed to know what he did and even though I love him, he hurt me and I can't let him in that easily.
"I did but I ended things last week. I wanted you and I went to your friends but they said they didn't know where you lived..." He said quietly.
"I live in my car now Jonah..." I whispered as tears flowed down my face.
"I know I did that and I am so sorry. I get it if you don't want to even talk to me but please Y/n, come back to the house. The boys miss you and you can't live in your car," Jonah pleads with a cracking voice.
I nodded and he picked me up and hugged me tightly.
"I love you," He whispered in my ear.
I said nothing back but he understood. I led him to my car so we could drive back to the house. I was engulfed in hugs when I got there. The boys did miss me and I missed them! I stayed in Jonah's bed while he slept on the couch. Usually I'd feel bad but he needed punishment.
One Year later
Life was great, hell better than great...amazing! After not talking to Jonah for two weeks, we started to rebuild our friendship. After about another month, we were back to being best friends. One night he asked me out again and I said yes. I found another, better, job and became a manager quickly. I went back to college and Jonah paid half of my tuition. I would pay him back later but for now he helped me. Me and Jonah moved out of the house and into a two bedroom apartment. There was now room for our baby that was coming! I was one month pregnant and happier than ever. Me and Jonah weren't expecting this but it happened and we're excited to be parents.
I went from being a broke, unemployed, uneducated, girl living out of her car to a stable manager who is going to college and has an apartment with the love of her life and is going to be a mother. I look back on everything and just appreciate Jonah because if it weren't for the boy I love, I'd be nothing.
A/n
This took me an hour to write and I really like it! What I said in the 'Huge Apology' was true but I was inspired by a song called 'Blood in The Cut' by Kay Flay. I like her music and some of her lyrics in it were in he notepad part. I know you may wonder how the title and this imagine are similar and they are kind of but I don't like writing about self-harm. The song is kind of about it but anyways I really like her and she inspired me to write this so yeah. This one was long and I hope you liked it. Sorry for the long pause but I was going through alot and still am but I feel a bit more inspired to write so expect the regular update schedule. I love you all and I hope everyone had an amazing holiday and New Year!
