Falling - Benny and Nina - An Adapted In The Heights Roleplay (COMPLETE)

77 - Falling Errors

Her sobbing had ceased, and she was just sitting in the fetal position on the bed, covered by the blanket that had previously been under her. She thought she heard something outside the door, but she figured that it was just the old building creaking.

When Benny saw her, he ran to the side of the bed and rested his hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry I left you Nina. I should have stayed by your side. I'm sorry koala, I really am."

"It's okay," she whispered, "I basically told you to go."

"But I should have at least stayed in the apartment. What if something happened to you, I wouldn't have been here to help." He climbed into bed again putting the fluffy blanket over them.

"It's fine, Benny. It's not like I tried to get you to stay. You have things to do, and I'm just being a burden."

"You're not being a burden. You're going through a tough time I'm sure and I should be here for you to help you through it." He brushed her hair behind her ear and then rested his hand under her jaw stroking her soft cheek with the pad of his thumb. He brought himself closer to her so their body's touched.

Nina nuzzled her head into his side, not sure of what to say for the moment. After a few moments, she gathered her words and said, "But I'm currently being one. I'm not the only one going through a tough time right now, but I'm reacting horribly. I want to comfort everyone else, but I can't because I'm simply too disabled physically," she lifted up her cast, "and mentally."

"Just lying here with you beside me is comforting me. It means I know you're safe. Also, the fact you are able to talk to me now is also comforting, one because I love hearing your beautiful voice, and two because it means things are slightly better than they were earlier."

"But Benny," Nina said, "You're not everyone. You're my absolute world, and I love you more than anything but there's Usnavi and Sonny too. Abuela probably hit them just as hard, and so has everything else most likely. But I haven't been able to help them because I've been too busy breaking down. Just when I've been good about not crying, like a normal person, I start up again. I hate that I can't stop it."

"When I was with Usnavi, all he wanted was to know you were okay and for me to be with you. He understands that you're struggling with everything. He wants you to put yourself before him, I'm sure. The most important person in your life is you, no one else, but you. You need to look after yourself before helping others, and Usnavi knows that."

"But I don't." All her life she'd been helping people without helping herself, just because it was simply what she did.

"I know you want to put everyone before yourself, it's what you've always done. It's one of the many things I love about you. But just for these next few moments, hours, possibly days. Put yourself first, make sure that you are okay, that you are happy, that you are good. I'll help you."

She said her next words in a heartbreaking tone. "I don't know how."

Benny closed his eyes, struggling to think of what to say. If he said, 'he'd show her how', it would make him look like he always put himself first and never put anyone else's needs before his. Which was anything but true. He pretty much always put Nina before him, Usnavi before him. It was only in his moments of sadness, anger or times he needed to regain his thoughts, when he put himself first. He found he couldn't help others unless he felt strong enough to. The only time he didn't do this, was when everyone was in a moment of sadness when Abuela died. In that moment he focused on everyone else, in particularly Nina, because she was hurting even more. She still was hurting.

Benny opened his eyes, he looked at her and hoped what came from his mouth wasn't harsh, and helped her.

"Have some alone time, time to regain your thoughts. Think about everything that's hurting and upsetting you, and think of ways you could potentially try to put it behind you. Some will be a lot harder than others and some you won't be able to get rid of completely at all. You aren't meant to get rid of everything completely, like Abuela, we can't forget her, ever, she changed both of our lives forever and we will never forget her. But you can't move forward unless you say goodbye to the past." Benny looked down, waiting for a response. He was nervous about her reaction.

"I don't know how," she reiterated. "I really, really don't know how to."

"Have some time to yourself over the next few days. I'll do all the apartment things, you relax and think over things, in bed, on the couch. Wherever you want. I'll stay out of your way."

"But I want to help."

"I know you want to help, but as you said you're physically and mentally unable to. Physically we will just have to wait for a month and let time do its thing. But mentally, we can work on it and that is how."

She frowned and looked at the ground.

Benny frowned at seeing her frown. Maybe he'd messed up and said the wrong thing. He tried again. "I know it upsets you that you can't help, but if we can help clear your mind a bit then the help you can give after will be 100% more effective. I promise."

"Okay," she mumbled. She was now disappointed in herself for getting herself injured.

Benny wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug. "I know this is tough on you, you've always been the one to help others, just try to focus on yourself for a while. And I promise everything will eventually get better." He planted a kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes, keeping her in his embrace.

She drew her legs back up so that she was again in the fetal position. She didn't know whether to cry or to just mutter, 'Okay." So, she just laid in silence.

As Nina lifted her legs Benny could sense that she was once again upset with herself. He realised that whenever she lay in this position, it was a sign of her being disappointed in herself. "Don't be disappointed in yourself Nina, you need to look after yourself, and doing this will help. I promise."

"Sorry." As soon as the word passed over her tongue, she knew it to be a mistake. "Sorry," she apologized, for apologizing. Simply she just said, "Shit," and buried her head in her knees, drawn up to her chest.

Benny chuckled a little. "Aww you're so sweet and adorable baby girl. The fact that you apologize for apologizing is cute. And then cursing because you apologized again is a little crazy but again super cute." He then looked at her and saw she curled herself into a full ball. "Baby, don't be upset by it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed." He moved his hands to rest them on her legs almost as if he was holding the ball close to his chest.

"It's alright. I wasn't offended."

"Okay. I love you. I don't feel like I've said that enough today. I really, really love you."

"I really, really love you too."

Benny turned her around, so she was facing him. He lifted her chin looking into her eyes, they were still sparkling bright, despite everything that had happened. He moved his hand to the back of her neck and brought her close. He's rested their foreheads together as he smiled.

Nina closed her eyes and upturned her lips the smallest bit, just to let him know that for the moment, she was content as she could be.

Benny place his lips against hers and let them move in sync with each other's. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment together. He loved the feeling of her soft lips touching his more than anything else in the world. When they kissed, he felt truly loved by her, it was always a magical experience. Each kiss different from the ones before.

After a few kisses, she pulled back, eyes still closed. She laid down on her side, pulling her legs up to her chest again. "Sorry," she said, fluttering her eyelids a little bit, then closing them. In the brief few seconds that her eyes were open, it was able to be seen that her eyes had lost their sparkle; They were dull.

As Nina's eyes faded, Benny's smile did the same.