Falling - Benny and Nina - An Adapted In The Heights Roleplay (COMPLETE)

71 - Falling Suggestion

Nina angled her head so that she was looking at the end of the bed and the closet. She closed her eyes peacefully but couldn't sleep. The time when she was supposed to sleep was the only time when she couldn't. She could sleep on a date, or in a wooden chair, but not in a bed, more importantly in Benny's arms? It made no sense to her, especially since she was extremely calm. Instead of sleeping, however, thoughts wreaked havoc in her mind.

For once, Benny could tell Nina was still awake. There was something about the aura around her that showed she was awake. "Nina, are you struggling to sleep again?" He thought through all the times that day where she was tired and wanted to sleep. How they slept in Castle Gardens. How she looked shattered at the restaurant. He pondered over whether it was about him.

"Mmhm." She hoped that he didn't think that it was because of him. It wasn't, and she hoped that he knew that. "Before you ask anything, it's not because of you. It's because of my mind. It's never because of you, Benny. It's always my mind." She sighed, a small tear slipping out of her eye. She knew there was something wrong with her, but she found it something that she couldn't fix. It was irreparable.

"What's on your mind Nina? What are you thinking about?" He took his arms from around her body and rubbed her back gently, he massaged her shoulders hoping it was in some way helpful.

"I honestly don't even know myself anymore," Nina whispered, "It's all just a jumble of thoughts that I can't decipher."

Benny turned her round and saw the tears falling from her face. He brushed them away with the pad of this thumb. "I'm sorry you have to go through this." He hated the thought of what he was about to propose to her. "Nina. Please don't take this the wrong way, but," he paused looking down then back up into her eyes. "I feel like getting some additional help might benefit you." He looked down again, scared of her reaction. "I don't know what would work best, individual therapy or one of those group sessions with other people with similar struggles. But it hurts to see you struggling and I feel like it may help, it may help you sleep better at night and when you go back to Stanford you're going to need to get decent sleep in order to focus and learn better. I'm obviously not an expert on this topic in any way shape or form, it was just a thought." He kept his head down waiting for a response.

Her eyes widened on the thought. She quietly murmured. "No. No, no, no, no, no. I can't." The idea of being in a room with other people that she didn't even know, talking about her struggles scared her half to death. Even though she didn't notice it, her breathing rate escalated and her heart pounded in her chest.

"Nina, breathe. Respira. It was just an idea. I just know lots of people find talking about their struggles in a completely confidential environment helpful. There's probably things going on in your mind that you don't want to tell me, or anyone you know personally."

"I'm not 'lots of people' though, Benny. Everyone struggles differently. Those groups are a bunch of balderdash. I'd tell you rather than a bunch of misfit strangers anytime. The only problem is, I can't talk about it if I don't know what's going on myself. Talking to a bunch of strangers won't help my situation any. If anything, it'll only make it worse," she stuttered, still frightened half to death.

"Okay baby. I'm sorry." He looked down again, knowing he'd made yet another mistake. He placed his hand on her bicep. Slowly moving it up and down. Hoping she'd forgive him, he felt horrible on the inside, he knew he shouldn't have said it.

"Sorry," she said, suddenly losing the courage that had flooded her only the moment before. Nina sighed and thought, 'Well there go the mood swings.'

Benny hiccupped a little. He tried hide to the fact that he was upset with himself but was beginning to fail. He blinked several times to hide the tears, then rolled onto his back and wiped away the tears.