I'm not gay

Mark

~Mark~

Amy told me I was being ridiculous. Danny and Arin said the same. Everyone says I'm being too harsh and unfair. Mind you I was raised to believe these things. Perhaps I was a little harsh on him.

In all honesty, I wouldn't have made such an issue of the matter if I had been told beforehand. Finding out that one of my closest friends has been interested in me for three years is a little overwhelming. Now if it were a woman, that would be a whole different circumstance, but Sean is not a woman.

"Oh come on Mark, he can't help who he loves", Amy said, reaching over the table and placing her hand over my own, my eyes narrowing at her and I retracted, leaning back in my seat and crossing my arms over my chest as I allowed my gaze to drifted around the café we were sat in.

"He isn't in love with me".

"You're in denial, he's admired you for ages Mark", she scoffed and my eyes grew hard as I looked at her again. "You knew as well?"

"Of course I did".

"Christ above", I stood from my seat and threatened to walk away from her but she took hold of my wrist and ushered me to sit down and not make a 'scene' about it. "You need to calm down, poor thing must be heart broken".

"Rightfully so, I'm just shocked that he didn't tell me", I shot back and she rolled her eyes. "Mark, how could he tell you? He knows you'd be against it, he didn't want this sort of thing to happen, honestly you're making a huge deal over nothing at all".

I scoffed and glared at her, sitting up in my seat. "Besides, maybe it's a good thing", she said and I glanced at her with a frown, waiting for her to explain. "Maybe it's a sign for... I dunno, you?" She reached over the table and patted my arm. It took me a second to understand what she was insinuating but when I understood, my eyes grew wide.

"Never gonna fucking happen! I am not gay!"

"Hush, lower your voice Mark".

"Why the fuck would you say that? Play into Sean's infatuation with me!? No doubt that man thinks about me..." I cringed and felt a disgusted shiver rattle down my spine at the thought of Sean having sexual fantasies about me and getting aroused by thinking of me.

"Mark, stop it, you're awful! Haven't you noticed that your relationships with females never last that long?"

"Ours lasted a year".

"I broke up with you because you nearly weren't all for the relationship, Mark, maybe you aren't made to love girls".

"Shut up Amy! I won't let you put this sick illusion into my head!" I quickly stood and stormed out, ignoring the stares that followed me.

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"If you don't like the way I talk, then why am I on your mind? If you don't like the way I rock, then finish your glass of wine", I heard singing when I entered my house, my brows narrowed and I loudly slammed the door, hearing the singing come to an end and there was only silence.

"Sean?"

"Y-Yes?" He walked out the room, his arms wrapped around his small frame. I looked him over, he wore his usual ripped black skinny jeans and a over sized sweatshirt that had the sleeves going over his hands. "What have you been doing since I was gone?" I took a step forward and placed my keys on the counter, my eyes not leaving him.

"I just... Lazed about and-and watched TV and shit..." He avoided eye contact, shifting on his feet and rubbing his arm sheepishly. "Hmm".

"Mark I-"

"When are you leaving for Brighton?" I quickly interrupted him, finally looking away to glance into the main room. "I-I uh think next week Thursday".

"Next week Thurs-", I exhaled in agitation through my nostrils. Eight days... I'm going to be stuck with him for eight fucking days. This is insufferable.

"Mark, if it bothers you so much, I could always find a hotel..."

"Don't bother", I gruffly walked past him, once again bashing our shoulders intentionally, noticing I must've taken him by surprise because he cried out and stumbled a bit. "Mark... Please", he begged and I stopped, glancing over my shoulder at him.

"What?"

"This is unbearable... I'm sorry I lied okay! I can't help how I feel! What's the difference? I'm still Jack, the friend you play video games with, my sexuality isn't going to cause destruction to your life, I'm not going to force myself onto you and I'm not going to touch you without consent, I may be gay but I'm not a savage!" I turned to face him, noticing his face had grow red and his eyes were watering.

I felt my fingers curl into fists and I exhaled deeply. I had so much rage within me and I needed to let it out. I decided to act calmly and I turned away from him, etching to the garage to go punch the wall or something.

"M-Mark! P-Please!"

Usually my heart would go soft when hearing my close friends crying, but I had no sympathy for this thing. Yes, I said thing.

"I'm going to go and punch something, keep on talking and I'll take out all my rage on you, I'm only warning you once".

"Mark, I'm the one that put so much stress on you, it's my fault", his voice cracked and I scoffed, swallowing. "Sean..."

"I'm... So... Sorry", he said slowly and I growled, turning to him and storming over, pulling my hand back and swinging forward, punching him in the cheek, knocking him back into the wall.

God that felt good...

"M-Mark".

"Shut the fuck up faggot!" I struck.

"P-Please!"

"I warned you!" I kicked.

"I'm sorry!" I swung again, and again. And again. And Again.

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