I'm not gay

Sean

~Sean~

You. Win.

You win Mark. You fucking win. If his intention was to hurt me so badly that I want to die. He has officially found himself accomplished. I genuinely thought I had a chance. Stupid of me to think such a thing right? I know and I've learnt my lesson. I can't force miracles. Then again, perhaps it's just that I can't find miracle, period.

I don't think you understand the burning depression and rage flaring within the deep crevices of my being. I had to listen to him and her having their fun.

I had to listen to some slut moaning his name, getting exactly what I've been dreaming to get, the one thing I've tried so hard for... I've gone through so much hell, I've put in so much effort... But I realise I can't compare to a girl who barely has to lift a finger of effort to get what I want.

I packed my things and took it upon myself to cancel my flight for Thursday and book a completely new one for today. I couldn't bear staying a moment longer in LA. The place where he is. My chest aches as I quietly drag my case down the stairs to the front door, sitting it on the ground and leaning back on the door, shutting my eyes.

This sucks.

I slide down the door and bring my legs to my chest, burying my head into my knees. It hurts so much. This hurt more than when he hit me, this hurt more than all the insults he could have thrown my direction. This hurt a lot more than anything I have ever felt. Why did it have to be Mark? Why him?

"Who're you?" A silky voice perked from the stairs and I slowly look up to see a young and fairly attractive girl creeping her way down the staircase. She was naked aside from the over sized flannel she wore, it was obviously Mark's. I felt my blood boil and my eyes narrow at her.

"Jack".

"Oh, you're the queer?" She mocked me and I grind my teeth together, biting back the slur of insults that threatened to pry from my lips. "Well you're too late fag, he's all mine for now, but I'll tell you something, it was out of this world amazing, oh that man really knows how to hit the spot like-"

"That's enough", Mark cut her off as he slowly shuffled down the steps, wearing only his boxers. I blushed, not only from how offended I felt but because of how much skin Mark was showing. The girl must've noticed me staring at him because she snickered and took Mark's hand, pulling to the last step and wrapping her arms around him.

"Quit gawking at what you're never going to get".

I felt my eyes sting. I expected Mark to twist the knife more but found myself surprised when he pried her arms from his body and pushed her back.

"That's enough, get your shit and leave please", his voice was groggy and extra husky, sending shivers rattling down along my spine.

"But-"

"I don't think I need to repeat myself", he cut her off, staring blankly at her baffled expression. She glared at him and stormed up the stairs, Mark rolling his eyes and looking over at me. There was an awkward silence between us, neither of us knowing how to break the ice.

"Where are you going?" He eyed my case beside me and I looked over at it too, sniffling. "I'm granting your wish, I'm leaving and I'm going back to Brighton, I'll be out of your hair", I leaned my head back far enough so it hit the door. "What?" He scoffed at me.

"It's not Thursday".

"I cancelled Thursday's flight and booked one for today", I forced myself to stand and gripped the handle of my case, staring at him sternly. "I get it Mark, you've won, that's what you wanted, me to leave you alone, well I'm fed up with trying to make a miracle happen", I noticed his eyes flash with guilt but it left as soon as it came, however the replacement emotion wasn't any better. I couldn't tell how he felt, his eyes showed so many emotions, I couldn't decipher them.

The girl bounded down the steps and glared at Mark before she approached the door, bashing her shoulder into mine before exiting and slamming the door.

Mark groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Such a fucking headache", he grumbled into his palms and I felt my chest clench, looking out the window to see a car waiting outside, most likely the one I ordered for not too long ago.

"I have to go, my ride is here", I gripped the handle again and turned to the door, pulling it open, preparing myself to walk away from my everything. Mark was everything I've ever wanted and now... I was leaving him behind and I wasn't planning on looking back.

"This is it for us", I was about to walk out but the door slammed shut and I cried out, glancing back to see him right up against me, his hand on the door which held it shut. His head hung so I couldn't see his face and he didn't say anything. I narrowed my eyes and tried to jerk it back open but he slammed it shut again, stepping closer so his body was practically touching my own.

I tried not to hyperventilate. I tried to ease my thumping heart but I couldn't. Why was he so close to me?

"This can't be it Jack", he breathed and I looked at him with a confused frown. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want it to end like this... I don't want you... to..." He was fighting with himself, clearly struggling to push his words out.

The car beeped and I tried the door again, this time he let me open it. "I have to go", I pulled my bag out the door and stepped back, my front now facing him. "Sean..." He spoke again, he looked like he wanted to say something more. I heard the car beep again and I looked back before looking at him again.

"I have to go", I shook my head, backing away. He looked down and nodded slowly, his muscles numbed. "Goodbye Mark".

"Yeah".

And that was it.

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