I'm not gay

Mark

This story is strangely getting a lot of praise.

~Mark~

He's getting into my head. Why am I allowing him to manipulate me like this? I ran my fingers through my disheveled hair numerous times, my eyes glaring at the ground. This needs to fucking stop, I feel like a puppet. I'm feeling things I'm not accustomed to feeling. I feel like he's mocking me somehow.

This is all so wrong.

He's acting as though I'm playing into his hand but I'm not. I can't be. I felt that I needed to prove to him I'm not willing to stand any of his bullshit. I need to prove that to myself as well...

I lift my head and sigh, my eyes closing momentarily before they open. I stand and walk to my door, slipping my phone from my pocket and unlocking it. I walk down the stairs as I scroll through the contacts on my phone, my teeth pinching the tip of my tongue as my eyes searched for a particular name.

"Hey Mark", his obnoxious voice reach my hearing and my jaw clenches as I refuse to allow myself to look at him. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I find her name and press the call button, bringing the device to my ear and strolling into the kitchen, Sean following me like a lost puppy. "Hey Mark, been a while hasn't it?" Her annoyingly silky voice perked when she picked up the phone after about five rings.

"It has indeed, wrongfully so", I commented, opening the cabinet and searching for a particular medication, Sean taking a seat on the center island, watching me. "Whatcha need?" She hummed and I smirked, grabbing the bottle I was looking for, reading the label and popping the cap off. "Wanna meet up again? It's been a while since we last met up", I placed to pills on the counter, noticing Sean's frown of concern from the corner of my eye.

"I'd love to, whereabouts and when?"

"The same bar we usually visit and in a few minutes", I tilt my head back as I threw the pills into my open mouth, getting a glass of water and swallowing the pills with the liquid. "Wait what?" I hear Jack speak and I glance at him, finding myself smirking at his confused and worried expression. "You sure Mark? I thought you couldn't drink anymore?"

"Not unless I take medication", I put the bottle back in the cabinet, hearing Jack jump off the island. "Well, I'm all for it, see you soon", she chuckled deeply. "Yeah, can't wait Kira", I hung up and looked at Sean when he gripped my upper arm, glaring at me. "Are you crazy? You can't go out drinking!"

"Who says? You're not my guardian nor are you my boyfriend, not like it'll ever fucking happen", I retracted my arm harshly and exit the kitchen, Sean hot on my heels. "No!"

"You don't have a say in this McLoughlin", I ripped my hand away when he grabbed it. I opened the door and called for an uber, well aware I won't be able to drive. "Please don't do this", I hear him plead lightly and I turn my head to look at his saddened expression, his lips quivering.

"I am, there's nothing you can say to stop me", I smile sarcastically, completely unswayed by his petty pleas. I gave him no more say before I opened the door and left without hesitation.

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Kira was an old 'friend' per say. She's been trying to get with me for years but I never complied to her fantasies. 90% of the time I hung out with her was because I knew she'd be willing to do anything just to hang out with me, so she was always willing to listen to me ramble about my problems.

She was an attractive girl, I cannot deny. Any man would love to have her at their side, knowing full well that everyone else would envy him having such a beautiful girl under his arm. But she wasn't what I wanted. I've always avoided getting too drunk around her, knowing I myself am an easy drunk I'm afraid, but I remember everything the morning after, no matter how intoxicated I become.

But I suppose tonight I wanted to prove something. I don't recall what.

I never intended to lead her on. I never intended to kiss her and lead her back to my house. But I did.

We arrived at my home and I opened the door, pulling her in and pushing her up against the wall, my lips immediately covering her own once the door was shut. She giggled against my mouth as she wrapped her arms around my neck, drawing me closer to her. I lifted her so she wrapped her legs around my torso, our lips separating which gave my lips the opportunity to trail kisses over her neck, carrying her up the stairs to my room.

I was lost at that moment, nothing meant anything. I didn't know what I was doing. I had forgotten the purpose of my current actions. I knew I shouldn't feel it but I did. This felt so wrong. It felt more wrong than when Sean kissed me. So much more wrong.

Why was I doing this? What point was I trying to prove? I wasn't so certain anymore to be frank. It felt like I was making a huge mistake. I've never thrown myself at a woman like this before. I've only had sex twice, with one woman I actually had a deep connection with. I didn't like the idea of throwing myself at people, despite the 'pleasure' it provides.

This felt so wrong.

Jack flashed through my thoughts which sent my mind and body into a frenzy. How would he feel? I found myself worrying for Sean's feelings, knowing he was probably aware of what I was doing. This was going to hurt him, I don't want to-

No.

He shouldn't be what I'm concerned about. Ridiculous, redundant, ludicrous.

It shouldn't bother me.

But it does.

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