I'm not gay

Mark

~Mark~

I love you. What a sick joke.

He's only going to be disappointed, not only because, I will never fall for a man, but I find it difficult to fall in love with anyone. He tosses the word 'love' around like air. You can't go saying that word whenever you please. Love is the most important emotion, in my mind at least. You'd be privileged to be in love and to earn someones love back.

He's insane.

I sighed and shifted in my seat, trying to focus on my work, but my mind seemed to drift and drift, always going back to Sean. He was taking over my thoughts, it was giving me a headache. I don't want to think about him so much, I don't want him to control my thinking.

I shake my head and give up, pushing my chair back as I backed from the desk, making myself stand, my hands still gripping the edge of the desk. I took a moment to recollect my thoughts before I growled and ran my fingers through my messy locks, turning away from the screen of my computer and facing the door, starting to walk out, slipping my phone out from my back pocket.

I pushed the door open more, walking out, my eyes glued to the screen of my phone, my teeth gnawing at my lip subconsciously. I make my way down the stairs carefully, removing my stair from the mobile device to watch where I stepped, soon my eyes noticing another figure making their way up the steps, my gaze hardening and I made a sharp rotation, immediately going back up to where I had come from.

"Mark!" His usual Irish curl toyed with the pronunciation of my name, making me feel even more pissed off because I loved it when he said my name. "Hey! Mark! Wait up!" He hurried after me, grabbing my wrist as I reached the top of the staircase, instinctively attempting to rip my arm from his touch.

"Hey, stop it! Calm down!"

"Don't touch me", I said as calmly as I could muster, but it came out more harsh than I thought it would. "I'm sorry your highness, but I had no other way to get you to stop", he replied wittingly, my eyes catching his, me being sure to show him my distaste for his sarcasm.

"Perhaps it'd be wise to not even try to address me", I tried yanking my wrist again but he refused to let go. "Nah, but where's the fun in that? I want to talk to you, we don't talk enough!"

"Maybe that's for the best".

"Oh hush!" He was really starting to piss me off more than he already had. "Let's go for a walk! We can take Chica for a walk and have a nice, calm chat! How's that sound?" He was already dragging me down the steps, despite my resistance. "I'd rather walk her without you".

"Well boo hoo, I'm coming with you and we are going to talk!"

Before I knew it, Sean was already dragging me out the front door, holding onto Chica's leash, still having a firm grip on my wrist, which was beginning to hurt. "I can walk on my own", I hissed, twisting my wrist from his iron-like grip, seeing him show hesitation, watching me eye my red wrist, rubbing the irritated skin.

There was a tense pause of silence as we walked along the path, Sean glancing at me every now and then, but I didn't dare look at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. "Mark", he finally spoke, but I stayed quiet, giving him a light glance to indicate I was listening.

"You know... Hating me is much harder than liking me, maybe if your prejudice could simmer down a bit, you'd be able to see how much of a jackass you are", he said firmly and I scoffed, looking away from him. "You don't want to hate me Mark, I'm not your enemy, I'm not here to force you to fuck me, I'm more than honored to just be your friend, I wouldn't push limits if that's what you truly wanted, but right now, you're being a stubborn brat and I have no choice but to make you realise it", my eyes shot to him, studying him carefully before I looked ahead. It's not that I was trying to ignore him, I just didn't know how to respond.

"Mark".

"What are you trying so fucking hard?" I snapped, stopping in my tracks as my eyes burned through Jack's. "Do I really need to explain that to you?"

"I just don't get it... After everything... You're still trying to pursue me? Listen Jack, you're leaving soon and it's impossible for me to fall in love with you within the span of five days, especially at this rate", I forced my eyes away from him again, looking up at the foggy sky, it looking abnormally ominous for Californian weather.

"So you could fall for me if you had more time?" He twisted my words, my eyes narrowed at the clouds before I looked at him with a glare.

"Don't put words in my mouth".

"That's not the only thing I'll put in your mouth".

My lips parted in shock and I turned my back to him, feeling my face grow extremely warm. Did he seriously just say that?

"You're in way over your head", I snarled back once I regained myself. "Mark, I'm not putting words in your mouth, I'm simply simplifying what you said", he said as though it were obvious. "No matter how much time you try Sean, I am not falling in love with you!" I rose my voice at him, still not looking at him.

"You know Mark, you can't help who you fall in love with, babe, love is blind, you just need to open your eyes to it", I was overcome with shock when his hands snaked around my waist, his body leaning against my back. My heart was thumping against my ribs, they thumped through my ears and I was sure Sean could hear it too, so I quickly pried him off, shoving him back.

I wanted to hit him, but I promised myself I'd never lay another hand on him. I hated seeing him hurt. I scolded myself for empathizing this creep.

"Stay the fuck away from me", I sneezed when a single drop of rain landed on my nose, my eyes looking skyward. Another droplet landed in my eye and I blinked hectically, looking down only to see Sean standing right in front of me, laying his hands on my shoulders and backing me up until I was pressed against a fence, Sean taking the chance to lean up and lay his lips over mine, my eyes widening and my body freezing.

Why... Does... This... Feel... So... Right?

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