I'm not gay

Mark

~Mark~

My knuckles split beneath their bandages as I threw my fist at the large red punching bag that hung from the ceiling. I found myself punching this thing daily. It's a constant routine of mine by now, it has been so for nearly three months. I let out a loud yell as I punched harder, letting out frustrations I just couldn't seem to shake off.

What was wrong with me?

I eventually settle myself down and stare at the worn out bag, hanging my head with a exhausted sigh. Sean and I haven't spoken since he left and to be honest, it's been eating me up inside. Why? Why? Why? I couldn't understand why I felt like this... How does that man have such a serious effect on me?

Recently he made a coming out video and the online world has gone ape shit over it, 'Septiplier has a chance now!' 'All is left is Mark's video!'

"Fuck!" I spun round and punched the wall beside the bag, noticing cracks were forming in the area I had hit. I punched the wall again, my eyes shut tightly. "Fuck fuck fuck!"

How was I still hung up over him? He has me wrapped around his finger and there was nothing I could do about it. Lately my fans have pointed out my lack of motivation to do videos... I wish I could tell them but I imagine they'd be very disappointed in me... I broke Jack's heart.

I could have done so much better, I could have told him something to make him stay, but the look he gave me before he left only remained with me as guilt and shame, he was disappointed in me. I never thought the silence between us would hurt so much. I never thought I'd regret how arrogant I was...

Even my co-workers are disappointed in my choice. Not that I blame them.

I turned myself around so my back pressed itself to the wall and I slid down so I was sitting in a bundle. I'm not gay. I can't be!

I slapped myself.

"Stop being such an arrogant asshole! For fuck sake!" I scold myself, even now realising how stubborn I was being. I'm in denial, complete and utter denial. I've fallen for him, hard. He's right. I'd give anything to take back what I've done, even if it meant shattering my dignity to hear him say 'I told you so'.

"I love you", I breathe out, balling my hair in my bloodied hands. "Damn..." I chuckle to myself, retracting my hands and looking sat them with a pathetic grin. I force myself to stand and meander my way out the room, slowly unraveling the bandages which were by now soaked with crimson.

I stare down at my split knuckles as I walk to the bathroom, taking out the first aid kit and sitting on the ground. "You did it again I see?' I flinch at the voice, rolling my eyes as I continue cleaning my wounds, not bothering to give her a response.

"Why don't you just give him a damn call?" Amy walked in and stood beside my body, my eyes slowly looking up at her and I shot her a glare before returning my attention to my hands. "What did you come here for?"

"I came to make sure you didn't kill yourself in your pity", she mocked me and I roll my eyes once more. "I'm not dumb enough to do that", I scoff at her and she rolled her shoulders back, looking at my hands. "You make me wonder Mark", she frowned in concern and I sighed, feeling my arms shake as my eyes glossed over.

"Are you going to the Pax coming up?"

"I don't even know... Sean removed himself from the Markiplier and friends panel a month after he left", I didn't want to break down in front of Amy, and I found myself flinching when my voice cracked. "So you're letting Sean take over your life, oh I see", she plopped herself beside me and I glared at my hands as I wrapped them in gauze.

"You always seem to be bandaging your hands these days... Mark I'm seriously worried about you", she wrapped her arms around me and dug her face into the side of my neck. "I'm fine".

"You're a liar", she breathed against my skin, sending a rattle down my spine, goosebumps prickled my flesh. "Please don't worry about me, I'm okay... I'm just... An idiot... It'll pass, it always does", I turned my head, brushing my nose over her forehead.

"But it never lasts for three months... It usually lasts a week, you know that better than anyone", she rose her head to look into my eyes. I took the chance to press my lips to hers. She was my distraction, and she knew that.

She was my distraction. She was my replacement. My replacement for him.

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I ran my fingers through my locks, a sigh escaping my lips. Amy lay asleep on the other half of my bed. She was cuddled up against me, her bare body pressed against my own but I have never felt more lonely and isolated.

I turn my head away from her and untangle her arms from my body, hearing her sleepily grunt. I get up from the bed and pull on my boxers, rubbing my eyes as I yawn. I retrieve my phone and slowly walk out the room, scrolling through social media and reposting a few pictures of fanart as I usually would.

That was when something caught my eyes. I noticed a lot of posts about Jack... A lot talking about how cute 'they' were. I furrowed my brows, stopping in the middle of the hallway. I was tagged in a lot of these posts, scolding me and warning me that 'Septiplier is being challenged'.

That's when I saw it.

@Jack_Septic_Eye I'm so happy with you baby! I'd like to introduce my new boyfriend Adam!

A picture was tagged of Jack with a man I've never seen, the man had his arms wrapped around Jack's shoulders, his lips on Jack's neck.

Everything slowed down around me and my eyes blurred. I dropped my phone and fell back onto the floor. Unconscious.

No.

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