I'm not gay

Sean

~Sean~

It's not fun being me. When you're gay, you're secluded to one category, and that is just you liking one sex. This sex happens to be majorly opposed to your feelings and go with the 'norm'. That's a normal person, or as the society describes it. Be straight.

I'm sorry, but I can't control how I feel. I don't find myself attracted to the opposite sex, they just aren't that alluring. Men however, that is what I find hypnotizing, until of course, reality slaps you in the face with a brick to remind you that... That guy you are currently drooling over is most likely straight.

Homosexuality is more acceptable in these days, luckily not everyone will shun you for something you can't control, it seems most of the young generation or the 'millennials' are more open and comfortable with the topic of homosexuality. A lot more youngsters are finding that they are either gay or bisexual, or maybe even feeling the opposite of what they are.

Being gay is tough. Trust me, especially when the one man you couldn't wish to be with more, is completely and utterly oblivious to your attraction, as well as being as straight as a line... Then again, some lines can be made curved. However, this line was a little more difficult than others, mainly because... Well... He's against homosexuality but we can work on it.

"Jack, you haven't touched your food", Danny snapped his fingers in front of my face and I flinched, glancing at him then down at my food, removing my chin from my palm. "He's duhstracted frum Mahrk", Arin poked me with his fork, his mouth full of food which made me cringe then glare.

"Hush, I'm just thinking", I scoffed, jabbing the stray chicken fillet with my clean cutlery. "Yeah, 'bout Mark", Arin winked and nudged his shoulder, hissing at him. "Shut up, he'll hear you!" I snapped in a low voice and the two men-children giggled, looking over at Mark who was enveloped into conversation with Ross and Ryan.

"Maybe it'd be good for him to hear, then something can actually, maybe, possibly, probably blossom into something beautiful", Danny hummed, smirking to himself. "Says you, you're ones to talk, what about the two of you huh?" I poked fun at them and Arin snorted lightly, looking up at Danny who stirred his food.

"Oh come on, that's not happening, I'm married and Danny is straight!" Arin proclaimed. "Right Dan?"

"This food is really good, I'm going over there to get more", Danny dodged talking about it and Arin's face dropped. "What?" He looked between Danny and I. Danny shot me a glare and stood, hurriedly walking away to which Arin blinked and shot up from his seat, his chair falling back onto the ground at the impact.

"Danny!" Arin went after him and I felt my face redden in guilt and I could only hope I didn't mess shit up for them.

"What's up with them?" Mark took Arin's now lonely seat from the ground and sat it up, seating himself down and hunching over slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. "I-I have no clue, I had nothing to do with it, I'm innocent, no I'm not nervous, why do you ask, boy is it hot in here or is it just you- I mean me?" I was confusing myself with my slur of rambles.

"Are you okay?" Mark cracked a crooked smile and I blushed, clearing my throat.

"I'm... I'm okay".

"Just okay?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh come on Sean, talk to me, I haven't spoken to you in ages, let alone seen you, don't leave me in the dark", he lightly nudged me and I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my neck. "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything, what's the first thing that pops into your head that you can tell me?"

I love you?

"Oh I don't think you want that response", I blurted and he frowned, obviously finding my remark off. "Why?"

"You wouldn't like it", I chewed at my thumb as I turned to face him, abandoning my plate of cold chicken fillet. "Why do you say that?" He gave me a slightly challenging look. "What are your opinions on homosexuals Mark?" I asked and he blinked, leaning back in his seat, obviously taken aback by my sudden question.

"Are you coming out the closet to me Sean?" He responded after a moments hesitation. "No, just curious since I wanted to know your view", I said, despite having a feeling that I knew his answer.

"Good, because I am the last person you want to tell that to", He huffed and I felt my heart throb but remained silent, waiting for a response from him. "Well, I don't... Agree with it", he was struggling to get his words together. "So if I were gay, you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore?"

Mark was uncomfortable, I could tell.

"This is a very random onslaught of queries Jack... Why did you ask me that specifically?"

"I had a feeling that you were gay", I gave an excuse to which he laughed at, my heart melting at the sound of his goofy yet adorable laughter, shaking his head at me. "Oh no no, not even in the slightest", he said as though the possibility was far from realistic.

"Thanks Mark", I swallowed, standing quickly, deciding it'd be best to dismiss myself before anything else could be said, as for now, I felt like exploding in shame and self pity.

He could never love me, and that was hard to accept.

_____________________

another story! yey.

Very slow paced romantically, I'm warning you and there will be a few trigger warning moments, but nothing major.

Hope you like!