I'm not gay

Sean

~Sean~

It's so hot here in LA. You get used to it of course, and it gives you a reason to relax a bit, maybe go to a pool and swim a bit, tan or whatever floats your boat I guess. The pool seemed extra refreshing today, I sat on the edge of the pool with my feet kicking the water back and forth, my mind empty.

I wanted to swim but I also didn't, so I just sat and stared at the splashes of water when I kicked. Let's just say, Danny wasn't very amused when he saw me, as far as I'm concerned, he and Arin are giving Mark a huge talk about respect and whatnot.

I felt like a child, when parents fight with your siblings and you try to stay out of the argument, even though the argument was mostly based around me. Or entirely rather...

I slowly removed my shirt and tossed it aside, placing my hands on the edges of the pool as I lifted my body off the ground and slowly lowered myself into the water, at first chilling but very quickly revealed its lukewarm qualities. Chica padded over, walking to the pool floaty at the edge of the pool and carefully stepping onto it, relaxing and laying down calmly.

I smiled at her, reminded of 'boat dog'.

I slowly drifted over to the Golden Retriever, lifting my hand from the water and touching her head, seeing her sneeze when the droplets of water trickled down my fingers and onto her snout. I wanted to hug her but chose against it as I turned away from the pup and sucked in a deep breath, jumping before lowering my head beneath the water, just drifting.

I heard muffled sounds outside, mainly Chica's barks, which sounded so distant. I had to return above when my lungs felt the burning sensation, feeling almost like they were ready to burst.

When I reached the surface I saw Danny standing by the door, his arms crossed over his shoulders, just watching me. "Hey", he said.

"Hi", I responded, swimming to the edge of the pool and crossing my arms over the surface after slicking my wet strands back. "Listen Jack, you don't have to stay here, after this", he gestured to my healing injuries, "I think it be best you stay with us".

"I don't need you looking out for me Danny, but I appreciate your kindness", I lower my gaze to my hands. "Sean, he's really messed up for hurting you, you really shouldn't stay here, I don't want you getting hurt because of some dumb crush".

"It's not a 'dumb crush' Danny", I scoff.

"Sean..."

"I'm not leaving", I decide my fate wittingly and Danny's eyes widen in surprise, obviously not expecting that sort of response.

"Jack you can't be serious".

"Wholeheartedly", I lifted myself out the water and sat on the edge of the pool. "I'm tired of being scared of him Danny, I would feel cowardly for running away from this, I'd rather face it, this is between he and I, as much as I appreciate the help and kindness you and Arin have provided, I think I'd rather deal with the situation myself", I stood and walked over to the towel on the chair, picking it up and drying my face.

"Sean, you're not a coward if you leave".

"See Dan, you might view it like that, but I won't", I stated.

"Just leave with them Sean", I heard Mark say but that only made me more certain. "I am not going! I planned to stay here and I intend to keep to my plan! I'm not a baby! I don't need to be protected from my own friend!"

"We are not friends".

"Oh fuck off you twat! Get your head out your ass and realise that I have fucking feelings to, so here I shall remain until you understand how this is for me, until you realise who you really are", I could see him rolled his eyes and turn away from me, grunting something along the lines of 'yeah right'.

"I can't fuckin' wait to hear you say the magic words", I snapped at him and he turned to me, cocking a brow. "What words Jack?"

"I love you".

His face dropped and his face grew exceptionally red, lowering his gaze to the ground and scoffing. "When pigs fly".

"Sean, I really think-" Arin started but I held up my hand to silence him.

"I've made my choice, I'm going to prove him wrong, you'll see!" I must've sounded and looked insane.

And to be totally honest. I think I might be.

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Bruises seem to faded away quickly for me, they're practically gone now, just the cuts left, but they aren't anything too conspicuous, not unless you take a long, good look at me. Mark hasn't laid a hand on me, he treats me like a germ he doesn't want to catch, but it's not anything I can't handle.

Maybe this was all a blessing in disguise, for before this whole thing happened, I was scared of him, even before he had become so violent, but this has made me stand up for myself, because I know I'm right and he's wrong.

Despite the fact he's a fucking arrogant bastard, he's still... Significant to me. Shamefully... I'm still in love with him.

Am I crazy for that? Is it wrong that I love him? We're like two peas in a pod. I've been told we'd make a compatible pair, we have so much in common, we've been friends for so long, hell, we're even shipped together heavily.

Why did the man I happen to fall for just had to be against the thought.

Why did it have to be Mark?

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