Sanders Sides One Shots

Talk To Yourself

Minor spoilers for the new Sanders Sides video.

...

I just hope you didn't do that thing that you do sometimes where you freak out and stand in the middle of your living room and talk to yourself for twenty minutes.

Joan clicked the home button on their phone again, looking for a text from Thomas as they stood just outside of Thomas' front door.

I'm coming over to hang, their text said. Thomas hadn't answered yet, and Joan wasn't going to bother waiting outside Thomas' door any longer.

Taking out the spare key to his apartment that Thomas had given them, Joan opens the door, knowing Thomas likely wouldn't mind. Even if he did, their friendship was strong enough to move past Joan barging into his apartment.

Shutting the door behind them, Joan hears Thomas talking. Turning to where Thomas was standing, they were surprised to see that he wasn't talking to anyone.

Thomas was stood, facing his body away from the front door, talking to seemingly nobody. He turned his head towards his blinds and talked with his hands to emphasize what he was saying in the conversation.

Staring for all of five seconds, Joan just nods awkwardly but knowingly, aware that Thomas would sometimes do this. It wasn't the first time that they had stumbled into one of Thomas' conversations with himself; 'Sanders Sides', he called it.

Joan had asked once what Thomas was doing, and Thomas had just explained that he did it when he was trying to work through something. He said that he would picture assets of his personality standing around him, and that he could picture a discussion between them.

Deciding to just leave Thomas to finish his conversation, him having not even noticed them walk in, Joan plops down on Thomas' couch. As they pull out their phone to scroll through some apps while waiting, it was hard not to key into the conversation Thomas was having with himself.

"No, I mean, no that's not the truth," Thomas was saying, holding his phone.

Joan briefly wondered how Thomas didn't feel it vibrate when they texted him, but just ignored it as Thomas continued to talk. "I- I don't want him back. At least..."

Face falling, Joan was disconcerted over that. They knew Thomas hadn't completely gotten over his break up with his long-time boyfriend, but they were unaware that Thomas was still upset over it.

"... not in that way. I- I don't want to do that to him..." The way Thomas kept shifting his body side to side made Joan's eyes widen in concern. "... because I love him."

Thomas continued to talk to himself until he fell silent, but his attentiveness made Joan believe that he was listening to his assets' responses.

Feeling like they were intruding on Thomas' personal thoughts that he wasn't ready to share with them, Joan took out their headphones and plugged them into their phone, opting to listen to music until Thomas was done.

They ignored Thomas until he suddenly threw his phone to the ground with a yell. Joan momentarily removes a headphone to listen to what Thomas was saying. "I panicked."

Thomas continued to talk, running his fingers through his hair stressfully. Joan left their headphone off to keep an ear out for what Thomas was saying after his outburst.

"So why do I look back?" Thomas asked, looking around him. Thomas was silent for another few seconds, obviously listening to answers for his question.

Thomas exhaled a large breath as he continued to talk. "I'm mad at myself sometimes, guys."

Joan's breath caught in their throat. Removing the other side of their headphones, they continued to listen to him speak.

It wasn't until much later when Thomas sadly whispered "okay" did he turn around. Seeing Joan sitting there for the first time, Thomas blinked his tears out of his eyes. "Joan!"

Giving them a smile that Joan now knew was fake, they felt guilty at having been fooled by it before. "Hey, Thomas."

"How uh..." Thomas fixed his hair. "How long have you been here?"

Joan stood up to be eye level with Thomas, maintaining a gentle eye contact with him. Thomas was still a little shaky, Joan could tell, but he was trying to hide it.

"Long enough."

Thomas inhaled a shaky breath through his nose, obviously nervous about what Joan had heard him say. He didn't want Joan to worry; he was fine. He was moving forward with his life. He was okay and-

"Thomas..." Joan got his attention back at seeing him get lost in thought. "Are you... okay?"

Nodding quickly at first, Thomas tried to assure Joan that there wasn't anything wrong. At Joan's look, he knew he hadn't fooled them. Sighing softly, Thomas ran a hand through his hair. "I- well. I'm not sure. I think I'm making progress, but..."

Trailing off, he didn't need to say anymore. Joan put their hand on Thomas' shoulder gently, and when he looked up at their caring smile, he knew that they understood.

Smiling sadly at them in return, Thomas tries to brighten up and change the subject. Although they started to play a lighthearted game of Mario Kart, Joan wasn't able to get their mind off of Thomas' confession.

"I'm mad at myself sometimes, guys."

Looking at Thomas out of the corner of their eye, Joan makes a promise to Thomas to make sure he was getting better and that they were there for him. That's what best friends were for.

...

FYI I was writing about 'Moving Forward' in case you didn't recognize where the quotes were coming from.

This was based off of character-Joan's statement in the end card of the newest Sanders Sides video.

Character-Joan basically confirmed that the Sides are all just literally in Thomas' head and that nobody else can see them (ruining so many fanfics hahahaha).

The Sander Sides videos are like breaking the 4th wall and then character-Joan's sentence was establishing that the wall is still there.

I can't see the Sides just as Thomas dressed up in different clothes, even with the Bloopers videos. I just... can't. They're all different people to me. They.Are.Real.