loss for words

everlasting masquerade

i'm tired.
sick of trying to keep myself afloat,
exhausted of fighting these everlasting battles.
tired of people watching me,
witnessing me drown in the deepest part of the ocean.
never actually reaching out to help.
in fear of also falling in too

no one was willing to make that risk.
so instead they watched me suffer.

they see me put on a fraudulent smile and just whisper "i'm fine."
they see the mirage,
they could see through the masquerade

little did they know that i lie in bed every night wishing that i can fall asleep,
before i can fall apart

my emotions escaping by rolling down my face,
even when i have a smile on my face
there are things i want to say,
yet can't

my tears are my words unspoken

yu ask why i'm miserable,
like i chose this path,
but you don't understand.
its hard to find someone that does.
it's not like i lost my happiness,
i just realized that i never had it.

i finally took off my mask,
and let the world see what it destroyed.
what i am is nothing but a memory.
a recollection of when the world watched me fall.
i can't deal with it any longer,
i can't hold my breath any longer

i'm descending into the depths
i'm succumbing to the obscurity of my mind.
i am now nothing but a shadow.
a figure that casts behind someone else,
barely seen,
and not noticed at all in the light.

i am gone.
no traces left,
the world continues,
as if i never existed in it in the first place.