loss for words

i need you more

love is stupid.
of course, we know that.
and, i know you had fallen hard into it, and i'm sorry for that.
i'm sorry i didn't keep you from falling headfirst,
but i had to,
and you won't understand why
because i need you more than you know.

he knew.
how rotten you felt, how hazy your mind was.
he knew you were dancing too close to the edge,
and yet he still was able to bring you to the sky,
and push you off the cliff you stood on.
you fell so hard, breaking everything in your body impact.

as your friend,
i should have stopped that,
i should have been there for you,
but, i just stood by and watched.
i lived in the despair he created for you.
it probably made you feel hopeless and alone,
and that,

for some reason,

made me feel better.
in a way, all you had and needed was me.
suddenly, my existence mattered,
i had a purpose,
so i used that.

and it was wrong.

but, i wanted you to want me so bad.
i was selfish to bask in your gloom,
to promote my self-worth,
i guess i was too ashamed to say,
that i needed you more.