Camila was awaken with the sun beaming in her eye from her window as she yawned and stretched and looked blindly for the body that was next to her last night. but when she found an empty bed she sat up and searched her room for Lauren only to find a sleeping Lauren in a baggy shirt curled up in a ball at the end of the bed with a notebook that dangled from her hand off the bed.
Camila knew when Lauren couldn't sleep she wrote in a book, whether that would be music or a poem or even a random thought, she wrote to keep her mind occupied. Camila grabbed a shirt from her dresser and some new underwear and slipped them on, she walked over to where Lauren lay and covered her in a blanket knowing she must be freezing, kissing her cheek and caressing it for a moment before taking the book from her hand that she'd been writing in using one of the many blank notebooks in her closet she had for school.
Camila sat down on the floor next to were Lauren lay from the foot of the bed and opened the book wondering what Lauren could have possible have written all night.
" it's about say 3 in the morning and I just wish I could sleep right now. Everything was fine until I was hurt and now reminded of the things I run away from but I can say the only thing I haven't run away from is camila. She's like gravity pulling you in when you try so hard to fly away. But I want to be pulled in and never fly away because she's my everything but I don't deserve her at all. She's too good for me and I'm just weighing her down.
It's like dominos standing tall before you touch it and watch it fall. Or if you give flowers too much water and not enough sun it dies before you can see it grow. Camila's like that she's my flower that's so big and beautiful only for me to contaminate it and watch the beautiful soul that she is wilt. I don't want that for camila I want her happy and that's what I try to do is make her happy. But with everything happening at once I can't be the person she needs me to be and I hate that I can't..... at least not now, knowing there so much to be resolved for me as a person. But whatever may happen in the future if camila will still have me after knowing the truth about a lot of things then I'll show her how much she means to me and how much I love her because I really fucking love her. She's so beautiful......it's funny how someone as amazing as her can love someone so broken as me. But she does and that makes me love her even more, she always gets this little crinkle in her features when ever I kiss her nose, I think its cute and how she gets so excited when we have pizza.....it's little things like that, that make me never want to let her go and I don't plan to but if one day she had to let me go for herself then I would take the heartache because like I said she's my everything. And I would do anything for my everything."
Camila was stund on what Lauren wrote about and teared up on how much Lauren loved her that she would even consider letting her go if it made her happy to find that happiness, but what she was surprised about was that Lauren felt she wasn't good enough for camila like she deserved better. Camila looked over the notebook again and seen something at the bottom that looked almost like lyrics
" You are my life, I don’t deserve you
But you love me just the same
And as the mirror says we’re older
I want to look the other way
You are my life, my love, my only
And that’s the one thing that won’t change"
Camila closed the book and held it to her chest as she looked over to a sleeping Lauren with so much love that she felt like if they didn't exchanged I love you's that night she would say it now.
"What are you doing to me jauregui?" Camila said placing the book down and leaning over Lauren and kissed her temple before setting her chin in Laurens side as she finally slept without being disturbed. camila would show Lauren that she was perfect for her in every way and hoped that Lauren would finally see that because camila needed Lauren too as much as Lauren needed her. If she was Laurens flower then Lauren would have to be her sun because she can't grow without her.
