Just keep breathing

Chapter 52

"Katie? Any chance of another pint love?" Chris' voice calls out from his spot across the pub. Jolting me painfully back to reality.

Work. Customers.

How long have I been standing here? I quickly run my fingers under my eyes to clear the moisture lingering there and straighten my shoulders before walking back out behind the bar, hitting the power button on my phone as I do so in an attempt to lessen the temptation to search for more photos.

"Sorry, Chris. Same again?" I ask in the cheeriest voice I can manage.

The last two hours of my shift go by surprisingly quickly thanks to a large group of mum's who've decided to bring their kids to the pub for dinner after school. Watching the children play and run around manages to take my mind off the photos a little, but all too soon, Amber appears next to me ready to take over for the evening shift.

"Well hello stranger!" she greets me with a hug

"Seems with all your holidays and now having been ill, I haven't seen you for weeks!"

"Hey, Amb," I manage to reply "Yeah its been a while, sorry. I meant to text I've just been busy."

"I get that... How are you doing?" She asks, and I can see from the look in her eyes that she doesn't just mean after my asthma issues.

I feel the tears welling up at her concern and force myself to look away, busying my hands cleaning up the last of the ketchup packets that the kids were trying to build some kind of creation out of before their mothers dragged them away.

"I'm fine," I say quickly "I'll just clean this mess, then I'll get going."

"I can get that." I feel her hand rest on my shoulder as she tries to turn me to face her in an attempt to stop me cleaning

"Are you ok? You only stay late to clean like this when you're pissed off." she giggles, taking a handful of ketchup packets from me.

When we finally make eye contact, she seems to read my mind instantly, and her face falls.

"I, I saw the pictures," I admit, not knowing what I'm allowed to say. We're supposed to be broken up.

"He's an arsehole. Damn, I mean the boy is hot an all, but who does that? You were in LA with him five minutes ago, and he's already out with other women already? When did you guys even break up?"

I stare back at her for a few seconds, searching my brain for a response. I can feel the tears welling up and blink furiously trying to rid myself of them.

When did I become such a crybaby? I never used to cry. Michael hated it when I cried. It just made him angrier, so I trained myself to hold in my tears, but somewhere along the line Harry broke down that wall, and now the floodgates have opened, I can't seem to close them again.

"Ah. You haven't broken up," Amber says matter of factly, and I shake my head sadly.

"Come on. We need to talk," She tells me, putting an arm around my shoulder and leading me behind the bar and back to the dishwasher area where I first saw those horrible pictures...

"Mark, I'm just seeing Katie to her car, mind the bar for a minute?" She calls to our boss who is sat in the office

"Yes ma'am," He says mockingly "Want me to do your whole shift for you?"

"Very funny. Just give me five minutes, ok?" Amber implores him, and I can feel her nod in my direction as if in explanation.

I dare not raise my eyes. When we finally reach the tables in the staff area out the back of the pub, I sit down heavily and brush the tears from my eyes. I'm done crying.