Just keep breathing

Chapter 75 - Day Six

3rd February

"Excuse me? Mr Styles?"

"Is everything OK?" I ask quickly, sitting bolt upright on the sofa that has become my bed for the last six nights.

Frantically I rub the sleep from my eyes and look straight towards the bed in which Katie lays, fear coursing through my veins as my mind works overtime, what's happened?

The machines that connect to my girls' small frame by a multitude of wires expel the same steady beeping that has been my constant companion all week though, indicating that whatever the young nurse who has just woken me up for isn't an emergency and I feel the tension in my muscles start to ease.

"Everything's fine, we just need to give Katie a bed bath and change the bedding, so we're going to have to ask you to leave for a few minutes." the nurse tells me with a reassuring smile.

I don't really understand the need for them to kick me out every time they need to do this. It's not like it's anything I've not seen before, I happen to know for a fact that my shy girl would be more comfortable with me seeing her naked body than a bunch of strangers. Still, I don't have the energy to argue with them.

I don't seem to have the energy for much at all these days. All I seem capable of doing is sitting here, watching her until my eyelids get too heavy for me to stay awake any longer before falling into a restless sleep. Waking every few hours confused by my surroundings or panicking that something will have happened to her whilst.

"No worries, I'll head down to the coffee shop," I tell the nurse with a yawn as I pull myself off of my makeshift bed and straighten my back, listening to it click in several places as I do so before grabbing my wallet and heading out of the room.

Part of me wants to be annoyed that the nurses have decided to kick me out in the middle of the night, but to be honest now is probably better than in the middle of the day when the hospital is full of other visitors roaming the halls. At least I don't have to worry about being recognised.

It's a weird sensation, having excited fans bounding up to me wanting a selfie or a hug when all I want to do is get back to my girl. When I've got big dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and a beanie pulled low on my head to disguise the fact that I've not even attempted to comb my hair for the last couple of days.

I have to continually remind myself that whilst I might be going through hell here, the fans don't know that. All they know is that this might be their only chance to say hello to me and of course, they aren't going to pass that up.

At this time of night though it's almost peaceful as I wander down the seemingly endless corridors which all appear to be painted in the exact same shade of mint green which coats the walls in the ICU where Katies been staying.

Seriously did they get some kind of bulk discount for buying so many tins of the hideous colour? Or was it just super cheap because no one else in their right mind would paint their walls in it?

If I never see it again, it'll be too soon I think to myself as I make my way to the counter in the all-night coffee place by the newsagents on the ground floor.

Two decaf coffees later, and I'm wondering if the nurses will be finished yet. It's nearly four in the morning, and I really would like to try and sneak in another couple of hours sleep before the sunrises if I can. Deciding it's probably best to give them a little longer rather than having to stand outside of intensive care in the hallway looking like some weird kind of stalker, I wander into the newsagents and start scanning the shelves looking for something to read.

I spend a few moments looking at the magazine racks, but the minute I catch sight of my own face smiling back at me from the cover of one I decide against that and move further into the store in search of real books. Thankfully, just by the counter is a small revolving silver rack, filled with a few dozen paperbacks.

Scanning them quickly, I am relieved to see a favourite of mine, it's bright red cover standing out amongst the others. Of course, I already have a copy at home, but as I have no idea when I'll be going back there, I decide to grab it.

The guy behind the till gives me a strange look as I hand him my debit card, his eyes flicking between the name on it and my face several times as he hands the terminal back to me, but he doesn't say anything. I type in my pin and hand it back, grateful for his silence, before making my way back down the bloody green corridors to Katie.