Perfect (A Jacob Black Story)

37- Christmas Eve pt.2

a/n: sorry for the late update guys :) 

*Winter’s Pov*

I was sitting here inside my darkened lab and found myself sobbing as I was intently focused on the screen in front of me.I’ve already lost count how many times have I sat there in the dark watching my own wedding video pausing and rewinding it and crying over it. Yes call me crazy but I wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to weep and be weak for a little while, its killing me little by little to be pretend that I’m strong when truth be told I just want to go to Italy and kill those bastards myself and not have my family fight…but it wasn’t the way its supposed to be. I am meant to be with my family and I will stand by them, stand with them until all of these is over. But right now…I just want to be left alone, I can hide the tears later when we all gather for a camp fire in the woods for now I will allow this moment of weakness…just this few precious moments.

‘oh God…I don’t know if I can do this…’ I whispered in anguish as I stepped out into the balcony and welcomed the night wind. I know Jake was out there with the rest of the pack and I have blocked our mind link temporarily fearing he would find out what I plan to do.

Consider me stupid and reckless but being a sister, a sister in law, a daughter, a friend, an aunt and most of all a wife and a mother how can I just endanger the lives of my family just like that when I know I can somehow do something to stop that from happening. The only question is can I trust someone like that bastard Alec to fulfill his end of the bargain? The word lost wouldn’t be enough to describe how I’m feeling right now. I looked up at the dark sky and saw the faint light of the moon casting somewhat eerie shadows at the Cullens front yard but it was a bit calming to me, it made me feel like I am not alone in whatever I am feeling right now. From downstairs I could hear the delightful squeals and giggles of both Deirdre and Nessie running around the house as their aunts and uncles watch over them. For now I need not worry about them…for now I can think of what my plans would be before the volturri comes for us…I can just stay and let things happen or leave with the 50-50 chance that I’ve got in stopping this madness and kill the volturri with my own hands but then my plan isn’t really fool proofed for I have no guarantee at all or whatsoever in what I’m about to do.

I sighed and sat on the cold balcony floor and looked up at the sky…I can barely see stars but I know they’re there and somehow it gave me hope…a tiny ray of hope that me and my family can surpass this…together. I slightly laugh at the way my thoughts were going as I softly rubbed my tiny baby bump and touching my little one made me realize one thing…I cant push thru with my plans of going to the Volturri for the minute they find out that I’m carrying there’s no doubt they would want to kill my baby and I’ll be damned if I let them touch me like that. I touched my bracelet and smiled at the sudden peace it brought me and I found myself on the castle floors instead of the balcony. I could smell the familiar scent of traditional irish food and sandalwood and mint that surrounded the castle. I stood up and touched the painting in front of me there’s no use pretending I just managed to transport myself back into Ireland.

‘Winter? You’re here…’

I turned around and found my smiling grandmother as she opened her arms to welcome me and I ran towards her and hugged her tightly and before long I found myself sobbing again. Were there no end to my tears? It seemed like my story is only filled with tears and I can only count with my fingers the times that I was happy with the people I love. I know it may sound like I’m complaining but I simply cant help but ask why life is so damn unfair? What did my family do to deserve this kind of problem? This kind of fate? Were we not good enough?

‘does your husband know you’re here?’ she asked me softly and smiled at me when I shook my head ‘you were always the stubborn one…’

I smiled at her in between my tears and sniffed ‘did we do anything wrong to the world nana? Why are we having these problems?’