Chapter 43: Aikenfield
Dalawang taon na ang nakalipas nung nangyari yun... Nangyari ang pinakamasakit na pangyayari sa buhay ko. Nang makapasok ako dito sa Death University, hindi ko akalain na hindi ko siya maaalala. Maybe because I'm preoccupied with other things kaya hindi ko siya naalala pa.
Devrin was my first boyfriend—and my only boyfriend. Isang taon ang tinagal ng relasyon namin. Actually, tatagal pa sana kami kung hindi niya lang kailangang umalis. I cried my heart out that time when he left. Hindi ko siya pinigilang umalis. Pero sa kaloob-looban ko, gustong-gusto ko na siyang pigilan at huwag na siyang paalisin. I'm so desperate to stop him from leaving but who am I to stop him, right? I'm just nothing but his girlfriend. Ano ba naman ang maipaglalaban ko sa pamilya niya? Ang pagmamahalan namin?
I'm nothing compared to his family. Kaya dapat niya talagang piliin ang pamilya niya. Kung ako siguro ang nasa estado niya, papipiliin ako kung pamilya o siya, I will definitely pick my family too. But too bad, I'm not in his state. I'm not in his state and I'm the one who's hurt as hell.
Nasabi niya noon sa akin bago pa kami naghiwalay na by the end of the school year, he'll be migrating to America with his family. Parang nawasak ako sa sinabi niya. Nanghihina ko siyang tinanong noon, "Paano tayo"?
Nanghihina ako at parang nawawasak ang puso ko. Nang tinanong ko siya kung paano na lang kami, sinabi niyang pwede naman kaming LDR, Long Distance Relationship. But I don't want that. Ayaw ko ng ganon. So, I broke up with him. Ako ang nakipaghiwalay. Kahit nasasaktan ako at ayokong makipaghiwalay, ginawa ko na. Perhaps, there's no guarantee that he'll be back here in the Philippines. Kayo ba naman nag-migrate sa ibang bansa.
Kahit labag sa loob ko na makipaghiwalay sa kanya, kailangan eh. Kung magpapaka-desperada ako noon na huwag niya akong iwan, iiwan na iiwan niya pa rin ako at mapapahiya pa ako kasama na ang reputasyon ng aking pamilya. And I am not a desperate bitch.
When I told him that I want to break up with him, I saw hurt in his eyes pero pinatatag ko ang aking sarili na huwag humagulgol sa harap niya. Kahit pa nasasaktan siya, wala namang kaming magagawa. Ako din naman eh, nasasaktan. Pinilit niya pa ako na mag-LDR kami but I refused. Ayoko ng ganon. Parang walang kwenta na rin yung relasyon namin kapag ganon.
Yes, LDR is not bad in other relationships. But in my case, it is. Why? Because there's no guarantee that the love of my life will come back. Yung sa ibang tao, LDR sila dahil may trabaho o nag-aaral lang sa ibang bansa ang minamahal nila at siguradong babalik pa pero sa akin, hindi eh. Walang pag-asang babalik ang minamahal ko. He and his family migrated for Pete's sake.
At alam din ng mga magulang ko na may relasyon kami ni Devrin. And perhaps, they agred to our relationship. At alam ko kung bakit sila sumang-ayon sa relasyon namin. They agreed and let me have a relationship with Devrin because his family is powerful. Their family has a lot of resources and they are powerful in the business world. Wow, right?
Pero hinayaan ko na lang ang rason kung bakit sumang-ayon ang pamilya ko kay Devrin. Basta magkasama lang kami, ayos na sa akin 'yon.
Pati ang pamilya ni Devrin, 'yon din ang rason kung bakit sumang-ayon sila sa relasyon namin ng anak nila. They want to unite with my family's business. Parang mutualism lang, give and take relationship. Para kaming mga dummy na ginagamit nila para makapag-interact for business purposes.
When the school year ended, after a month, he left. He texted and called me a lot of times pero niisa, hindi ko sinagot. I was crying my heart out habang binabasa ang iba sa mga text niya. Lahat 'yon ay nagpapaalam.
I remembered some of his texts.
'I'm sorry, Zaya. Please talk to me... I'll be going in an hour. I need to talk to you.'
BINABASA MO ANG
Death University
Mystery / ThrillerZaya chose to run away from home with nowhere to go. After a long drive with her car, she stopped in front of a big old building, which turned out to be a school. When she entered, the truths started to unravel before her, and she meets the face of...