Emotionless Control ✔

Chapter 28

Matt's POV

A few days ago was Trix's funeral. I couldn't hear the priest talking. All my attention was on the coffin. It felt so wrong, so wrong that i wanted to shout in agony. She was too young to die, she made some bad choices, had a rough past what unfortunately defined her personality and future.

Death, it always followed her. I tried to affect her life to better, but i was too late. Nothing could have saved her except herself.

The life as a mobster is not a picnic in the park. It's tiring, stressful and i can feel how it destroys part of my soul every day, leaving empty spaces behind, which fill themselves with darkness overtime.

Most of us think about the present and the future, while deciding on joining the gang. We think about how difficult it is to earn money, how poor most of us are. The mob life brings lots of money, we all think that we can retire early with our new salary. Some of us choose this life because we think life is boring and we need adrenaline to feel more powerful. At first we start racing or boxing to get that needed adrenaline and it is only a matter of time when a gang notices us and asks us to join. What can we say, i mean we get rich and get all the women.

The reality is that the mob life is not only weapons and violence, it's business which uses extreme methods to get what is needed. The paperwork is depressing. If i could get out, i wouldn't even hesitate.

We don't think about the cons of joining this business. These side effect ruin lives, for example Trix or Carol's brother or Rose or even Mussolini. In gang you are not only risking your life, you are also risking with your family. Is it worth it? You can never leave, even when you think you are out, think again.

Somehow women find us attractive instead of running away screaming like they should.

Russians have the saying: the one who hits loves. Basically all kids know that sentence, especially girls. Their mothers teach them that, when their little girls have play fights with boys. Since when does violence represent love? I guess we all can assume where is that sentence coming from.

Teenagers these days find violence attractive. I can't deny that dominance in right places shows their partners that they are able to protect them. But mostly girls find violence directed towards them okay. That is FAR from okay. Girls dream about finding a bad boy, who is willing to change for them. That is idiocy, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I tried to change Trix but she only got worse and now she is dead. There are way too many couples where male side beats the other half but society is too naive to hope that these kind of people change and we all know that society is supposedly always right. So those women stay and let their 'men' beat them. Are the 'bad boys' really worth it? Is this how you want to end up in the future? Are we going centuries back in time, where it was normal to disgrace woman?

Trix had a boyfriend who eventually abused her in so many ways. She somehow got out. But she didn't learn, she was still delusional to think that by continuing this lifestyle this wouldn't happen again. Well she found two other mobsters, they didn't have the time to hurt her yet. She fell down the same rabbit hole and this time without coming back.

My depressing thoughts are interrupted as i hear hesitant knocking outside. I get up and walk to the door, not forgetting to check my gun, just in case. I open the door and come face to face with Carol. She looks up startled.

"What do you want?" I ask harshly, regretting my tone immediately as i see her flinch.

"I-i wanted to see you. I miss you!" She answers shyly. I stare at her blankly, not knowing what to say. "I-i regret how i reacted in Trix's situation. I know it's late for her but.. but i can't lose you too Matt! Please, please forgive me!" She begs with glossy eyes.