Trix's POV
Memories define who we are and experiences determine how we will react in certain situations, shaping us to survive. If you have been embarrassed, it affects your confidence. If you've been hurt, it makes you more wary.
I sit in the cafe that i own. One real thing in my confusing life.
Jace and Matt explained everything about Jack being the villain, who kidnapped and drugged me, making me lose parts of my past. I just don't understand how could i be so blind and oblivious. Jack has been nothing but nice to me and i just can't believe that it all was a huge lie. Or maybe it wasn't, maybe Jace and Matt are the bad guys.
Recently i have been having small flashbacks from the memories that i thought were lost for good. Each one of them confuses me more and more. It seems that nothing yet everything has changed. Some of those flashbacks are dark and twisted. If already small fragments of my past are this dark, i can understand why Miranda described my as cold and emotionless. No one with this kind of past can stay sane.
I can't tell others about my resurfacing memories. I just don't know who to trust. I'm in denial, i don't want to believe these flashbacks and secretly i'm hoping that i won't remember anything else, unfortunately i know better.
Miranda, my barista, brings me a cup of coffee. She smiles kindly and i notice that she has tiny dimples. She sits down in front of me.
"You look like a mess. You okay?" She asks with concern. We have bonded and it turns out she's the most childish person i have ever met. Well, Jack owns the first place in childish championship but she's a strong socond.
"Yea, i'm just- i'm just lost." I frown. I hate this feeling.
"What do you mean?" She asks while building something from toothpicks. She curses as her beginner construction falls apart and she starts again.
"I don't know who i am, where i belong and what are my dreams. People have lied to me and used my memory loss to their advantage. I have no identity and it's driving me mad." I play with my coffee cup. She raises her eyes at me and discards her toothpicks.
"Maybe i can help." Miranda offers nicely. I lift my eyes to hers.
"How?"
"Well, when i feel this way, i remove myself from others for a while to see the bigger picture. Sometimes it's distance you need to see the true colours of the painting. Or something along the lines." Miranda tries to explain.
"So?"
"Go and find yourself, damn it. Don't listen people telling you who you are. Find out yourself!" Miranda says with frustration. I grin, her advice is smart but that doesn't affect her behaviour.
"And how do I do that?" I ask her. She looks at me in disbelief. And sighs heavily.
"I thought you were smarter than that. Do what you think you like, think about the future, learn what you hate etc, etc, etc. Easy!" She says in annoyance. I ponder over her words and sip the coffee. I stand up abruptly, taking my coffee and bag with me.
"Thanks!" I yell over my shoulder and rush out of the door. Cool breeze hits my face as i walk to my motorcycle.
I know what i want to do. My decision might be impulsive but i hope it will give me back my identity.
~~~
I sit on the couch and eat pizza with Jace, Matt, Carol and Demian. Things are a bit intense between me and Demian. He told me that i killed his father and i just can't wrap my mind around it. His father was such a sweetheart.
"So any reason for inviting us here for a movienight?" Carol asks while munching a pizza. She's leaning comfortably against Matt's shoulder, who is looking down at her in awe.
They look cute but it's still strange to see Matt as a love sick puppy.
"Oh right. So i'm leaving and i wanted to hang out with you before i leave." I inform.
"Leaving? Where?" Jace straightens his back and looks at me wide eyed.
Others don't react the way i thought they would either.
"I don't yet. I'm just packing my bag and go discover the world. I need to find myself and traveling will definitely help. Don't worry, i'm coming back someday, maybe." I explain shrugging.
"But i don't want you to leave." Jace complains, wearing unrecognizable emotion. It kind if looks like- hurt? Why is he hurting?
"Look, i have been going along with the flow for so long that i didn't even notice that i was sailing to the wrong direction. Damn, Miranda is rubbing off on me." I mutter. "Look, i graduated and i realize that i never wanted to join a gang, i only did it because my friends did it. I want out. This recent drama confuses me and i'm tired of it. I might come back but right now i need to find myself again. I hope you understand." I finish my tiny speech.
Understanding and sadness crosses my friends' faces. We continue to watch the film but our happy mood has vanished and empty silence has taken over.
_____
So this was a short chapter, i would say sorry but i won't. There's no need to stretch it out with meaningless content.
There are one or two chapters more to go, please don't hate me for the ending. As i said in previous chapter i might write a side book where things change.
Maybe i turn thing upside down in the next one, we'll see.
-Trqshy psycho☠
YOU ARE READING
Emotionless Control ✔
Teen Fiction"Someone didn't get a kiss from his mommy today, huh?" I mock Jace with a smirk, my fists ready to punch. "You really have a death wish, don't you?" He asks me amused. "Yea, help me out a little?" I challenge him, he already thinks that i'm joking...
