20: "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."
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"Maia, come on. I'm sure he's fine." Aaliyah tried to distract me by letting her shoulders sink and throw the Disney dvds back on my desk. We are sitting in my bed and still are in New York. We shared my bed tonight since none of us wanted to sleep alone.
Justin wasn't there for me.
Miguel wasn't there for her.
"I don't think Justin is fine when he's ignoring my calls since yesterday, when my brother literally left his pregnant girlfriend to take care of him. Nothing is definitely fine." I argue in whisper, hissing the disappointment through my lips while shaking my head.
I felt dirty. Like this place wasn't meant for me and I felt so little since I don't know anything going on in my life.
I hated myself for thinking that way but I slowly start doubting his love for me. I am doubting my love for him.
Staying optimistic was never my way except whenever it came to him. But it came to a point where I was questioning myself of why I'm doing all of this?
Why do I keep on making myself feel miserable though it's not even my fault.
He's the one not appreciating my existence, me being there for him and trying to solve his problems.
"Maia.. babe.." Aaliyah's gentle voice stops my self taking.
My tired, red and swollen eyes look up at her.
I couldn't sleep all night.
I couldn't stop crying whenever and wherever I was alone. It didn't matter where. I cried all the time when nobody was watching.
And he's not here.
"What?" I ask her back and sink my shoulders, inhaling through my nose while looking at my hands, feeling my pain all over again when I saw our matching tattoo.
I hate to remember him while looking at it.
He's making everything but letting me live my life fullest at the moment. He's taking it away fullest and I hope he hates himself for getting it too.
Aaliyah softly swings her arm around my shoulder, telling me, "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."
That's when it hit me.
I was too blind from his mysterious silhouette that I didn't notice he made my eyes not even look through it and make me realize that he is nothing like I thought he was.
