Pain and Pleasure - Kellic

Chapter 15

<Kellin pov>

After I told Vic I felt a sense relief I guess. It actually felt good to tell someone who wasn't analyzing me like the therapist does. But now there's a downside, my crush on him may have gotten in the way, and I wanted to tell him and be vulnerable around him so he can see that side of me that's not just this rockstar on stage. Hopefully it won't come back to bite me in the ass.

I went to my bunk after that and took a nap. But now that I'm up the guys are just looking at like I'm glass and I'm going to break any second.

"Ok guys I'm not going to break so could you all stop with the sympathy looks geez" I say and walk off the bus to just sit there outside it.

I know that there's a lot going on. My thinking is obviously biased since it's my thoughts. But what if Vic and I could actually be something more. Like that would be a dream come true. And I say dream cause it's not reality. Reality it's that even though he broke up with Danielle, he'll find another girl at some point because that's what he likes, girls. Not guys, like me. But even pretending that we could be something is fun sometimes. I just can't let myself believe it too much or else I'll be the one to get hurt when the time comes for him to have another girlfriend. But I know that I'll never really move on from him completely as long as we're friends but I'd rather have him as that than nothing at all so it's bittersweet.

Now all this thinking is driving me insane. I dismiss my thoughts on Vic, that even though we've created a stronger bond these last couple weeks with helping each other out in all, I just hope that maybe, just maybe we'll have a chance one day and I'll take that chance over anything if it could happen. But I have to get ready for our today that is in twenty minutes.

I walk back inside the bus and the guys are still looking at me, there not saying anything which is not always a good thing. Ugh, oh well might as well get ready. I grab a bottle of water and we all head out to the main stage and waited for our turn to go up. Where currently listening to Tonight Alive play before us.

Now that there done they leave the stage and the stage crew set up for us and now it's time for us and I run out on stage and greet everyone.

"Hello Miami! We're Sleeping With Sirens and we're going to start with an oldie it's called 'James Dean' if you know it sing along" I say and we start. We go through the set as planned and we end it

"Thank you!" I say and we all leave he stage.

Since I know we have a signing in a couple hours I think I'll take a nap. I'm pretty tired and I know that Vic's set is soon so he'll be busy for a while. We get back and I get right into my bunk and go to sleep.

"You disappointing pile of shit! I can't believe I've dealt with you this long" he says to me.

"You're supposed to have this place clean when I come home and it's a wreak! I think I specifically told you to pick up all this shit, you ungrateful slut!" He shouts at me.

"You're the one who made the mess" I sassed.

"What did you say!" He hissed at me.

"You made the mess" I repeat.

"Aaand"

"Why do I need to clean it up?" I ask in a weaker voice.

"Because I told you too!" He shouts while gripping my hair tightly. "Who's in charge here? Huh, slut, who's in charge?"

"You are"

"That's right, and you will obey, I think you need a punishment" he growls angrily.

"No p-please no, I'll behave I promise"

"I think that you need a reminder of what's happens when you disobey me like you just did, now go lay on the fucking bed"

I do as told and he binds my arms and legs to the bed and he blindfolded me. I just take it cause I don't have a choice in it anymore. I feel the ropes spreading my legs out as wide as they go and I can't help but feel exposed. This is the worst.

"Ready or not whore" he says anger in his voice and he slammed himself inside me without warning, prep or proper lubrications. It hurt like hell and I was screaming and crying the whole time. I wouldn't even be surprised if I started bleeding again. He goes right at it giving it to me showing no mercy at all, he's just ripping me up and it hurts so bad. I feel him release, but he didn't pull out he just stayed put making it that much more uncomfortable. He pulls out now and I hear him walk away leaving me tied up and exposed.

I hate this, I hate him. I feel gross and used, and useless. Worthless and alone. But he's the only one who'll love me enough to deal with me so I have to deal with him as well even if I get used like this...

I wake up with a start and my heavy breathing is all I can hear. I start to cry quietly to myself. I text Vic asking if he has time to talk but he says that their signing is in five minutes but he'll gladly talk after so now I have to wait a bit more. Why can't these nightmares just go away.