Pain and Pleasure - Kellic

Chapter 30

<Mike pov>

It's been a few days since we were all at the hospital and we got the news of our beloved friend Kellin. The Sirens guys said it was hardest calling his family to tell them. Well it was only his mother but it was still hard I imagine. Vic's been cooped up in his bunk ever since he woke up the day after and doesn't want to see anyone, he won't even eat anything.  We may have pulled off of the tour but we are staying where we are, we have to wait until his mother gets here. To decide what to do about his funeral and everything.

We were told that Kellin's mother will be here anytime. We all have put out ideas for it, well everyone except Vic, but I'm sure he doesn't care right now.

I'm getting worried about him staying on that bunk 24 hrs a day. I don't know if he sleeps or anything. Who knows if he's slept since that night, and it's not only me whose worried it's all of us. We're trying our best to give him space to think and be alone, but it's hard when he's doing it in a way that makes you think the worst. I fear that he gets up in the middle of the night while we're all sleeping and does things. Or if I'll wake up one day and see him dead or something. It's scary to me with how he's acting. Giving his past, and how he was as a teenager, it's not a far fetched thought.

But I receive a text, pulling me from thoughts. It's Jesse saying that Kellin's mom has just arrived at their bus and that their driving back towards us. Soon there was a knock on our bus door, we opened it and five people walked in. We haven't really seen then since just texting each other. We notice Kellin's mom standing there silently. That's when we start talking about the funeral plans.

"Where's Vic doesn't he want a say in this?" Jack asks.

"Uh, Vic's been cooped up in his bunk for the last few days so we haven't really seen him, only seconds when he walking in and out of the bathroom" I say.

"Really?" He says.

"Yeah...." I say awkwardly.

"Well you wanna ask him anyway?" Justin suggests.

"Alright, I'll ask but I doubt I'll get a response" I say getting up and walking to the bunks.

"Vic?" I say questionably. All I get is a hum in response.

"Kellin's mother is here and we're discussing funeral plans, wanna help us?" I ask cautiously. I got nothing. I sigh, and walk back to the main area where everyone else is.

"Well?" Jack asks.

"Nothing, I didn't think—" then I was cut off when there was a creak behind us. We looked and to my amazement Vic left his bunk. He looks dreadful though.

He doesn't say anything he just sits down, next to me and we go on discussing. He just listened to our ideas. I was glad to see him out of the bunk, but he definitely didn't look good. He looks sad and tired making me know that he hasn't had sleep.

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<Vic pov>

It's the day of the funeral. I've put off getting ready as long as possible, we're currently in a hotel in Oregon, since that's where he lived. It's still sinking in. I may not be crying as much anymore doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. I'm basically on autopilot and just numb. But I do end up crying all night. Ever since I've been getting these horrible nightmares. Basically me watching everything happen again only the difference was that the ambulance never came and he died there in the parking lot in my arms. It's the same dream every night. That's how I wake up crying.

I wasn't lying when I said that he was love of my life. I've never loved anyone like him. I truly believe that he was my soulmate. I'll never find anyone else like him.

Mike's driving the two of us there, once they canceled our time on warped we drive home and I was staying with Mike, he wouldn't let me go home alone. We said bye to the guys and said that they'll see us at the funeral, so now that we're heading there, I'm semi dreading it cause this is like making it seem real. Plus it's the final goodbye, and I'm not ready for that.

We arrive and are greeted by all the guys, other friends in bands as well, his mom. There were a lot of people here. It's nice to know how many people loved him and cared for him. But they didn't love him like it did. The only one who I think who hurt as much as me was his mom. She was a mess when I saw her when we planned this. She was the first person who I think could actually relate to the pain I was in. We talked for a while outside the bus that day.

She told me that Kellin called her a couple times after we started dating and telling me how much I meant to him and loved me. It was sweet to hear from her. It helped me cheer up a little, but not enough. I just miss him so much. It's starting to physically hurt too.

We're sitting around listening to the speeches everyone's making. There's a priest that says a few words, his mothers speech was touching, his band mates all went up, I'm supposed to go up there but I don't think I can.

"....we'll miss you, love you bro" Justin finished up.

Now it's my turn. I stay put, not finding the energy to move. I felt a nudge from Mike.

"Go on Vic" he says.

I finally get up and walk up there. I stop and look at him laying there in the casket. Oh how much I want to just crawl in there and lay next to him for all eternity. I mean he looks so peaceful and beautiful but I'm selfish, I want him here with me.

"Hello everyone...." I start monotonously. "There's just too much to say about Kellin...." I started choking up and tears were falling. "....we were best friends for many years, six to be exact; but it wasn't until recently that we realized our true feelings for each other. Kellin and I may have only dated for about a month, but it felt like so much more, and it was so much more intense. I don't think anyone would ever understand what we had. I've never loved anyone like I love him. I know it was because we were so close as friends, that it only felt natural and like second nature to us only with a little more touching; we had a world wind romance. S-so as we're all gathered here to celebrate this amazing and beautiful person who was taken from us far too soon. Kellin will be with me, with all of us who cared for him. I miss you so much...." I finished and then stepped in front of the casket again. "I love you my darling" I say. Then I lean in and kiss his cheek on last time. Then I sit back down next to Mike.

I saw a few people start crying as I talked it was nice to see, but honestly who cares. I really don't think anyone would understand what we had. No one except us and that's sacred to me. After that I tuned everything else out. I couldn't listen. Everything's coming back to me. All the emotions and hurt and I can't take it anymore. But you'd never know it by looking at me. Calm on the outside but a dead hollow shell inside.

And I know that this is just how my life's going to be from now on.

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A/N: The end. Next is just the epilogue.