Put flowers on the desk. (Soonhoon)

Day 98.

They think I was going crazy. They asked me how I was and I was honest.

I told them I felt like dying.

I told them how I missed soonyoung.

I love him and if he were gone I didn't know what I would do.

From hearing me say that, they paused and looked at each other.

They knew something.

They weren't telling me.

I asked when they would start letting me see him, because they made me stop.

They didn't give me an answer.

I asked how he was,

And again they gave me no reply.

i wanted to scream my head off.

so i snuck in.

I went in and saw him sleeping. He wasn't awake like I had hoped.

But still, I put a flower on his desk and held my breath.

He didn't move an ounce.

So I wanted to talk to him,

"Soonyoung if it were anything like my case then you can probably hear me."

I sucked in a breath and paused, before hearing my voice crack.

"I'm sorry. I really made such a stupid mistake- I took life for granted- I took you for granted.. I'm sorry.. I don't know why i did what I did..I really don't..

but please know that right now you are my everything.

when my parents weren't here, you were. when my friends weren't here, you were. you always wanted to see me and still I tried to end all that.. I'm sorry."

I hesitantly rushed the hair from on his face up.

"but I don't know whats happening.. I want to but no one will tell me.. no one.. I'm so worried what I won't be able to see your eyes again. I'm so so scared that I won't hear your voice again.. that I won't feel your gentle touch again..

I'm afraid that you're leaving me.. I'm so afraid.. I can't tell what's happening, but if you can really hear me I love you. I never said it enough, so I'm going to tell you how much I do right now. I love you..

I love you so much.

you were the best thing to happen to me..

I love you so fucking much..

so please

try to fight.

soonyoung,

I love you so much ."