Put flowers on the desk. (Soonhoon)

Day 86.

you said you were happy with me, smiling and showing your dimple.

I realized that smile must filled with lies.

ButI sunk so far beneath it I couldn't climb out of, I know you mustn't be happy like this.

But what's to do?

~~~

A loud sudden noise made Soonyoung shoot up from his sleep, a cold sweat dropping down his face.

He swallowed hard and looked around, breathing heavily through his noise. He didn't see anything in the hospital room.

He looked to his right at Jihoon's face. He was sleeping. For once in this situation he looked peaceful, and unbothered.

Soonyoung sighed a little and sunk back down, looking at the time. It was 4:00.

His eyes shifted back to the boy. "Are you really happy with me..?" He whispered and sighed, covering his face.

He didn't understand anything.

He thought that being with Jihoon out of the hospital would be fine, but he's watching his Jihoon break in front of him.

He's seeing him crumble and after the past two days there was no way he would believe him when he said he's fine- not like before.

He felt irked, almost to a point so unsettling that he felt it in his skin. He felt the guilt eat his gut and then his lungs.

Saving his heart for last.

He felt stinging once again in his chest but he honestly chose to ignore it, knowing fully well that it mattered.

Just not today, not right now.

He didn't know what to do, what he could've done. What if Jihoon leaves him all alone? What if he finds someone better?

What if he ends up leaving me?

He knew recently that Jihoon was worried about it being the other way around, but for the longest time Soonyoung thought different.

He was the one constantly thinking that Jihoon lost interest. Or once he got better he'd leave Soonyoung in the hospital, alone.

That's what he expected.

Which explains he never wants to go back to living here.

He wanted to move out of his Aunt's house, and just buy anything for Jihoon.

Seeing him so unhappy tore a hole in him, feeling like it was all his fault.

If there was one thing Soonyoung felt the most; it was guilt. Always guilt.

Every single day. He'd wake up and look at Jihoon. The guilt has been growing to the point where he can't even look at his boyfriend's depressed eyes, in which happiness drained from them.

He can't even listen to his crying or the amount of pain he was in.

He couldn't.