Just random things

Not even gonna try

So I just had a conversation with A about N and L (mostly L) basically bc L texted A and is still talking to her, when even their MOM refuses to even respond to a text from my mom from well over a month ago. A said L texted her bc she didn't do anything wrong and L doesn't hate her. But then that just made me upset because I know I did confront her about glaring at me and avoiding me, but before I even did anything g to her, when the issues were just with her sister, she started acting like a total bitch. A reminded me that of their mom's rule: L always has to take N's side or else she gets in trouble for not "being there for her sister". She said L probably doesn't even hate me, she was just taking the side of her sister, but I still have that thought go through my head of "What did I do to all of a sudden make her hate me?" And even though she was most likely just taking her sisters side, I still feel like I did something wrong, and it just messes with my head and I hate the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I made someone hate me.

I asked A to talk to L about her reason for bitching out, and she just said "I'll get to it. We're not there yet." I wish I could be more like A. She always knows how to go about a touchy situation, whereas I go in headfirst, uncertainty taking over, or I just sweep it under the mat but never forget. I still have so much uncertainty about this girl in Pre-School who refused to be my friend, because she said "You're friends with that black girl, so I can't be friends with you." First off: the girl she was talking about was Hispanic, not black. She just had dark-ish skin. Second: I still wonder to this day why she said that, or where she got the idea she couldn't be friends with black people. Im sure it was her parents, but I met her again when I was maybe ten or eleven, and she still acted like a bitch, which left me the question "What did I EVER do to her?"

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I need to calm down and collect myself

Cya.