Barbie Transformation

I hate me.

(A/N: thinking of doing Hunters POV? Comments?)

"So, Emmerson, what brings you to New York?" Felix asks me.

After spending three hours playing play station, Felix finally gave up and praised my victory.

He just ordered Chinese and offered me some too, I declined. Jasper wasn't very happy at all when I said no so he ordered me food anyway.

How am I supposed to answer his question? I can't just tell him: Oh you know, my boyfriend cheated on me with a whore who stole my previous boyfriend. So I just decided to come to New York to take my mind off him and everything else.

"She wanted to visit the city, she hasn't been before." Jasper explains when I give a long silence. It's half the truth. I didn't come here to visit the city, I came here to escape my problems. I haven't been to New York before, though.

"Cool. Trust me, you'll love it here. Maybe you can even take some college classes? No one will know you're still in highschool." Felix grins and I shrug in consideration. I don't really want to be cooped up in classrooms listening to boring teachers.

"Don't they take absentee rolls? They won't know who I am." I question and Felix shakes his head, "Everex College is slack on those sort of things. You can show up when you want." He explains and my eyebrows raise.

I think I like college.

The doorbell goes and Jasper gets up from the couch and pays the guy for the Chinese food. I haven't eaten four meals altogether.

I'm definitely not trying to starve myself. I just simple have no appetite.

Jasper passes a container to me and I greedily take it with chopsticks. I open it and the sweet smell fills my nostrils. Jasper bought me noodles.

Then a familiar smell fills my nostrils. I look over at Felix and his container is filled with sweet and sour chicken.

My stomach churns and I cover my mouth in horror.

I rush to the toilet and hear Jasper call my name, but I don't turn. I throw up into the toilet several times. The smell is invading my oxygen and I can't bear it anymore. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and slide to the floor, flushing the toilet.

The night that Max raped me was the night I had ordered sweet and sour chicken. My mom was working late, so I decided on buying food for myself. I remember the smell so well; even after Max raped me I could still smell the sweet and sour chicken throughout the house.

I throw up again into the toilet. The door opens viciously and Jasper looks at me in concern. "Oh fuck." He curses and runs out again, shouting at Felix to get me some water.

I can hear Felix and Jasper making a commotion but I don't try and eavesdrop.

I throw up again into the toilet and cry in shame.

Flushing the toilet, I grab a face towel from the sink, wiping my mouth vigorously. My hands feel heavy and my eyelids are droopy.

Everything goes black.

--

My throat feels tight and sore. I cough a little but it makes the pain even worse. I moan and open my eyes a little. There's movement to my right but I don't check what it is because when I try to turn, my muscles ache.

"Emmerson?" Jasper's familiar voice questions but it feels like he's so far away. I grunt in reply, "Water" I croak and open my eyes a little more.

I'm in Jasper's room, lying in his bed. He hands me the water and I drink a lot down. "Slow down, Emmerson. You'll get sick again if you drink too much." He warns and takes the glass away from my hands. "What happened?" I ask softly and Jasper frowns, "you haven't eaten much and when we bought the Chinese, the food or smell must have made you feel nauseous. You blacked out." He explains.

"For how long?"

"Sixteen hours" he tells me and I gasp in shock and sit up quickly. An immediate headache forms in my head and I groan and hold it. "Woah, slow down. You're dehydrated, you need to rest and drink water, okay?" He tells me and guides me back to lye down.

My hair is messy and in my face and I feel utterly disgusting. I want a bath.

"Can I take a bath?" I ask and Jasper shakes his head, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea? What if you fell asleep in it?" He warns me and I shake my head, "I won't. I'll keep talking to you." I suggest and he considers it and then nods.

I gently sit up on the bed. I feel like I have no energy.

My feet touch the ground and I slowly lift myself up. My legs wobble a bit, so Jasper grabs my waist to steady me.

When I reach the bathroom, I instruct Jasper to wait outside for me.

When I finish bathing, I wrap myself in a towel and walk towards the door. I feel relaxed and a little bit better, especially now that I'm clean.

"Jasper can you get me some clothes please?" I ask him and he replies with a "sure". Three minutes later, Jasper knocks on the door and I open it slightly to take the clothes from him. I thank him and turn around while shutting the door.

Jasper blocks the door with his foot, though. Confused, I turn around to face him.

"What's that on your back?" He asks.

Realisation and shock runs through me. My scars. My scars from the bottle that Max hit me with on my back, that night.

"Nothing." I respond as nonchalantly as I can, even though my heart is beating a year a minute.

"Emmerson, turn around." Jasper instructs and I shake my head, "I need to get changed, get out." I tell him. He forcefully turns me around and I drop the clothes on the floor in surprise. My towel is still tightly clinging to me, though.

Jasper gasps. "What the fuck?" He shouts and traces his finger along a few of them that appear above the towel. There are plenty more scratches below it though, due to the glass shards that cut into me.

This is the first time in four and a half years that Jasper has seen them. I always wear a shirt, well, duh. They're just always covered by a shirt; this is also why I don't wear bikinis. I don't like people asking about my scars, it makes me feel self conscious and insecure.

"Emmerson, did Hunter do this?!" He interrogates angrily and I spin around to face him, shaking my head repetitively, "No!" I exclaim and Jasper curls his fists at his side, "You better not be lying to me." He glares at me and I frown, "I'm not lying! It wasn't Hunter, I promise!" I cross my heart with my fingers and raise my hand in the air, proving my honesty.

"Then who?" He asks harshly and I cringe away from him.

"I don't want to talk about it, now." I say quietly and Jasper shouts, "When are you going to talk then? Are you just going to hide everything like you always do? Hide all of your problems? Run away from them? It's not going to fucking help!" He rages and steps closer towards me.

I take a cautious step back.

If I tell Jasper the truth, he'll probably hate me and our father forever. He'll hate me for lying and hiding the truth from him for so long and he will hate my dad for ruining me. My complete family is a mess! Jasper doesn't even talk to my mom! If Jasper hates dad too, he's pretty much an orphan in certain circumstances!

"Get out." I spit.

This catches Jasper by surprise. He probably expected me to shout back at him or blurt out who caused my scars, not tell him to get out.

How dare he tell me how to run my life? I understand that he's my brother and everything but seriously? Is he really going to tell me how to manage my problems when he doesn't even know what they are?

Jasper gives me an apologetic look but I just advert my eyes away from his. He sighs and silently walks out of the bathroom. When I shut the door, I let out an angry scream, I hate myself!

I hate myself for being afraid. Being afraid of how Jasper will react.

I hate myself because everything that Jasper said is true; I run away from my problems, just like I ran away from Hunter.

I hate myself because I'm me. I hate me.

I have a feeling that as long as I'm here, it's going to be very eventful and crazy.