stoic

Chapter 35

"She's not worth it." He said to me softly.

I couldn't get any words out, I was just staring at his restless features. He had bags forming under his eyes and he was paler than usual.

"Hey guys." Jerry said from beside us, we both stopped staring at each other and looked at Jeremiah who was wearing a light pink hoody.

"Hi." I beamed.

"It's so good to see you back here in hell." He said with a satisfied sigh. "We have English Literature together, let's go." Jeremiah, hooked his arm round mine and I gave Ryder a small smile before walking off down the corridor.

I didn't like this distance we were creating. I liked being close to Ryder and joking around with him but things change.. people change.

"So I heard you slapped Lindsay. I fucking missed it." He scolded himself. "I am the queen of tea and I missed probably the biggest event of this school." He continued to whine the whole way to English and it lifted my mood slightly. Hearing Jerry complain about the school and argue with himself was better than any other entertainment.

At lunch Ella wanted to sit at Ryder's table which I was hesitant about but agreed too. I was sat next to Molly opposite Jerry. Everyone else hadn't arrived yet and when they did, Ryder immediately sat next to me.

"Okay guys." Jeremiah breathed in and looked at us all, "I have a confession." 

"Oh no." Me and Ella said. Jeremiah stood up on the table.

"I'm gay." He said almost in a shout. 

"We know." Axel, Brendan, Blake and Ryder said in unison.

"What?" Jeremiah said, looking quite deflated as he sat back down. A few people were looking over at our table and muttering.

"It's so obvious. But congrats anyway dude." Brendan said, patting him on the shoulder. Molly and I were giggling slightly as was Ella. Ryder was looking at me with a smile which only made my cheeks flush pink.

Molly nudged me slightly after noticing me and Ryder looking at each other and Ryder looked away before coughing.

I really wanted things to go back to how they were but I didn't know how to change things.

I felt disappointment as Ryder got up and left to go to basketball practice as I wanted to say something but I was too scared too.

What is up with me at the moment?

When school finished, I waited outside for Molly seeing as Tim was picking us up. I saw Ryder walk past me and I plucked up the courage to go speak to him.

"Ryder?" I call after him, he turns his head slightly at the bottom of the steps and I quickly run down them to catch up with him. "Hey."

"Hey," he says, "are you okay?" He furrows his eyebrows together, looking down at me.

"Yeah I'm fine I just wanted to say sorry."

"Sorry? Are you kidding me? You've got nothing to be sorry about."

"I didn't mean to push you away like that... I was in a really bad mindset and my judgment was clouded. I was a lost cause anyway and I didn't want to waste your time. I know you're sorry and you were only trying to help but I couldn't help but feel slightly angry at you for what happened,"

"Mackenzie," he tried to interrupt me.

"But I know that it wasn't your fault and you were only doing what you usually do and I got in the way. I realize that it was my fault for being stubborn and going up to that man in the diner. I don't think I'll ever fully recover from it but I forgive you Ryder. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"Mackenzie," he took my hand in his.

"I want things to go back to normal you know.. like how we were when we went on that date. I forget about my mom and dad when I'm with you because you make me feel like we're the only people in the world. You make me feel like me."

Instead of saying anything he just grinned and lent down to kiss me. I kissed back not caring who was watching. This kiss was the best yet. Sparks were flying and I felt a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

When Ryder pulled away from the kiss he rested his forehead against mine, "You're so silly, you know that right?" He laughed. "I was giving you time, you didn't push me away at all."

"Good." I say quietly, looking down at his lips. I heard a car beep from behind us and I turned to see Molly waving and Tim in his car. "Do you think we could hang out?" I say to Ryder and he smiles widely before nodding and kissing my cheek.

I tell Ryder to wait a second so that I could tell Tim where I was going.

"Me and Ryder are going to hang out." I tell him through the car window.

"Is it a date?" Molly wiggled her eyebrows from the passenger seat.

"I dont know." I blush, looking at Tim who had an eyebrow raised.

"Okay well, message me if you're not going to be returning home." He smirked and I rolled my eyes, sticking my middle finger up at him, "there's my sister." He said and I couldn't help but smile.

When I got back to Ryder, he was leaning on the side of his car waiting for me. He opened the car door for me and I smiled widely.

"You're a big softy Ryder." I told him when he got in the car.

"Aren't I just." He winked, turning the car engine on and placing his hand on my thigh, I put my hand on his and looked out car window. 

I didn't know where we were going but I couldn't care less at this moment in time because I was with Ryder.