waste the night [c.h.]

forty-one

Calum's POV

I shifted underneath Alex, wrapping my arms tighter around her. She had fallen asleep about an hour ago on my shoulder, I had pulled my hoodie off and put it over her, which ended up her hitting her head on the chair, groans falling from her lips.

Her head rested on my chest, her hands intertwined together in her lap, her legs draped over my leg, tucking under the other one. My arm was wrapped securely around her waist, the other resting on her thigh.

Luke came out half an hour ago and told me that Jessie was alright but she didn't want to anyone but Luke for a while. I decided to let Alex stay asleep on me while I waited for Luke to give us the okay to see Jess.

I could tell by the way Luke's eyes were red and puffy and his adam's apple bobbed up and down as he spoke that it wasn't good. He felt like it was his fault. He shouldn't have left her. Maybe.

I looked over at Alex, her eyes closed, her mouth slightly parted as she breathed deeply. She looked beautiful even when she was asleep. I moved a piece of hair from her face, my thumb brushing against her cheek.

I quickly pulled away, careful not to wake her. I sighed, leaning my head back against the chair.

I had broken her heart twice. Both completely and utterly on purpose. Neither was my choice.

Her dad threatened to ruin both her and I's education and I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't do that to my parents. 

I sat down with my parents and told them about her. Told them that I was so fucking in love with her and I wanted to spend so much of my future with her.

They told me that relationships in college didn't work out. That we wouldn't last for the next week. They told me to stay away from her or else. I didn't ask what the else was because I was too scared.

My dad wouldn't pull me out of college but god knows what we would to to Alex's education. This way, I was protecting her. 

As much as I wanted to be with her, and fuck, I did, I couldn't jeopardize her future because I thought I loved her. I could give less than two shits about how much I cared about her, her future was so much more important than me. 

As much as I knew I needed to keep my distance from her, she needed someone right now and fuck it, it was going to be me.

Michael and his new boo thang were probably still going at it and didn't even realize anything happened. I shook my head, continuing to get lost in my thoughts.

Alex moved against my arms, stretching and opening her eyes, instantly meeting mine. 

"Hey." She spoke quietly, her voice rough with sleep.

I smiled softly at her, brushing a messy curl from her face. Instead of flinching away from my hand, she leaned into my touch, her hand moving to the one placed on her thigh.

She hooked her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers together. She sighed and placed her head on my chest. "Have they said anything yet?"

"Uh, yeah.."

She looked up at me, her eyes wide with worry. "What'd they say?"

"Luke's back there with her," I said softly, gently. "She doesn't want to see anyone."

"Oh."

Luke pushed opened the doors, his eyes falling on us. Alex immediately rose to her feet, moving over to hug him tightly.

"How is she?"

"She's okay," Luke nodded, his eyes moving to mine. I stood up, this couldn't be good. "She-uh, she wanted me to tell you guys to go home."

"What? No, I want to see her, I want to make sure she's-"

"She doesn't want to see you, Alex," Luke said as gently as possible. "Please go home, I'll text you if anything changes."

She said nothing, moving towards the exit as quickly as possible. I sent Luke a sympathetic look as I chased after her. She stopped in the middle of the parking lot, sobbing loudly.

My hands went to her shoulders but she flinched away, shoving me away.

"Alex, calm down-"

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down, Calum, my own best friend doesn't want to see me," she cried loudly. "And you, you're there hugging me and telling me that things are going okay being the fucking superhero that you always are."

"Ally, please-"

"Why do you do this to me? You make me feel like the fucking asshole because I love you and want to be with you," she screamed as my steps faltered, my eyes widening with shock. "Fuck, Calum, you don't have idea what you do to me, every time I see you I want to abandon whatever ounce of dignity and self respect and just give everything to you."

I said nothing, just watching the small and innocent girl blow up in front of me.

"You're the first boy I've ever loved, you're the first boy I've ever kissed, you're the first boy I've ever had sex with, you're my first everything and I'm not yours," she sobbed loudly. "I'm so fucking in love with you and you can't even look at me. I-"

I stepped forward, my hands going to her face as I crashed my lips against her, the salty taste of tears on her lips. She kissed back, pulling me closer as she stood on her toes and kissed me hard and reassuringly.

I pulled back and looked at her, looking deeply into her eyes. "I'm so fucking in love with you, too."