The Lost Dixon (CarlXreader) [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 37

We didn't talk as we walked back to camp, there was nothing to say.

I needed to be alone right now, but I also need to help protect the group.

I know other people can protect them but I couldn't save her and if something were to happen and I wasn't there, again, I don't think I could handle it.

When we got to the gate Glenn and Carl were the ones to open it. They both looked happy to see us but sad, because everyone really liked Carrie.

Its gonna take a long time to feel normal again, I didn't know what normal felt like until I didn't feel it anymore.

I didn't acknowledge anyone. I couldn't break down, not here, not now.

I kept walking until someone put a hand on my shoulder, Beth.

She turned me around and pulled me into a hug. It was one of those hugs where you feel safe and could tell the person anything, but I can't.

"It gets easier with time." Was all she said. She has lost her mother when this started. She might be one of the only people who understand.

All I could do was nod. I was afraid that if I said anything I would end up breaking down.

When she walked away I headed into the prison, then to my cell.

Alex was outside helping Hershal plant vegetable seeds in the garden.

I sat there for a fifteen minutes before anyone was at the door, it was Carl.

He walked in and sat beside me. He looked at me, but I was staring at the floor.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Hi." I said finally look in up at him, he had a sad smile.

He leaned over and hugged me, I could hold it any longer, I started sobbing into his shoulder while we sat there.

He just sat there and rubbed my back and told me that everything was gonna be okay.

When I finished crying, which felt like forever, I looked up and gave him a sad smile while wiping the tears away.

"Thanks Carl." Was all I said.

"For what?" He asked looking genuinely confused.

"For being here." I said looking down again.

He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a side hug. "I'll always be here." He said.

I smiled, he did always seem to be there when things were good and when they were bad. I could rely on him to be there when I needed him. 

He pulled his arm back and stood up, "You want to go do something?" He asked knowing that if I was alone I would just get more upset.

"Like what?" I asked, there wasn't much to do around here.

"Target practice, I'm not very good at throwing knives." He smiled almost like he was hesitant to ask.

I laughed a little, "Still?"

"Yeah." He laughed a bit.

"Sure." I said getting up and grabbing my regular knives along with my throwing knives.

"Let's go find a target." I said walking out of the cell.

He followed close behind, we walked around the cell block looking for something, wood preferably.

I finally saw a piece of ply wood from one of the old, broken drawers from the cells.

It was just big enoug to draw a decent sized target on.

I smiled picking it up, it was painted white. I ran back up the stairs to grab one of Alex's markers.

I grabbed the red one and carefully drew three circles each a different size.

"Let's go." I said grabbing Carl's hand and practically running outside.

"Slow down, where are we going?" He yelled.

"In between those two parts of the fence." I said slowing to a jog.

When we got there we stopped and he caught his breath from being forced to run here.

"Okay," I said leaning the board against the fence and walking back to him. "Stand like this."

I put my feet at shoulder length and slightly put my one foot back farther than the other.

He copied my stance and I handed him one of the throwing knives. "Just watch, then you can try and I'll help you." I smiled at him.

I drew my arm back and threw the knife hitting the target in the center.

"Still got it." I whispered to myself, it's been so long since I threw knives.

"Huh?" Carl asked.

"Nothing," I said shaking my head. "You try."

I watched his stance and the way he threw, it landed a few inches from the center.

"That was good, but you can do better." I said smirking at him.

"Whatever." He said smiling as he threw he next one, it hit the target just barely missing the one I threw.

"You said you needed help." I said looking at him, astonished.

"I figured you needed something to do, and I know you like to throw knives." He smiled at me.

"You're an ass." I laughed slightly pushing him.

"Hey, no need to get mean." He laughed back. "I just wanted to see you throw again, you still do that thing when you concentrate."

"What thing?" I asked suddenly becoming very self conscious.

"You look really focused and dangerous, except you stick you touch out slightly." He laughed.

"It's not my fault," I laughed with him. "I've always done that."

We laughed for a bit. "Thanks." I said.

"For what?" He asked.

"Making me laugh." I smiled.

"You should stop thanking me for things that I like to do." He said.

"What do you mean?"

"I like to make you laugh, I don't need to be thanked for it." He said blushing slightly.

"Okay." I smiled to myself. "We should go get lunch before everyone eats it."

"Is it lunch already?" He asked looking towards the prison.

"Yeah, and we're gonna miss it." I said as I took the knives out of the board. "We should do this again."

"Make it a competition next time." He smirked while we walked back to the prison.

Lunch consisted of squirrel and canned baked beans.

"What were you two doing out there? I heard you guys laughing." Dad asked, he still looked concerned.

"We were throwing knives, he wanted to distract me for a bit." I said finishing my lunch.

"Distract you? From what?" He asked.

"Carrie, distract me from Carrie." I threw my plate onto the dirty dish pile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that. You okay?" He asked realization and sympathy filling his voice, it sounded weird to hear him like that.

"No, but I think that it's normal to not be okay right now." I stated looking at the floor.

He came over and hugged me, we stayed like for what felt like forever, but was probably like a minute.

"If you need anything, anything at all, just tell me okay?" He said pulling away from the hug and looking at me.

"Okay, thanks dad." I said hugging him again before going to my cell to take a nap, it's been a long day so far.