Anorexia At It's Finest

"It Looks Like a Brown Rat's Ass"

"What the hell happened to your hair?!" My mom yells at me.

"I dyed it."

"No shit! It looks like a tangled blue mess!"

I sat silently not knowing what to say. In these types of situations I figure it best to just exit when you can. So that's what I did.

Everyday I have to walk to school because my mother hates me and because she refuses to drive me. Of course you can guess by now that my father is dead like the usual sob story and sadly I am an only child.

I have been told that only child's are supposed to be "loved more", but whomever decided this was obviously not an only child.

My mother absolutely despises me. I don't blame her, I despise me too.

I used to love myself and all, but then my mom sent me to a new school in a new state and that's what lead me to change my hair.

I hadn't ever thought of changing my hair until last week Jenny Taylor told me it looked like a brown rat's ass.

I know words aren't supposed to hurt you or whatever that crap all the annoying bubbly camp counselors tell you. WORDS HURT. It's a true fact. Trying to lie to yourself and say that words don't hurt is only a waste of time.

It was just so painful, I guess. I walked into school and went to my locker to start my already shitty day, and that's when she approached me.

"Ew," she had said.

I was confused on who she was saying this to, but it only took a few moments to realize we was speaking to me.

"What?"

"Your hair. It's absolutely disturbing," she laughed.

"It's just brown..."

"You retard! It looks like a brown rat's ass!"

As the words sunk in and the crowd of people formed I started to become enraged. Everyone started laughing. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE.

So that's why my hair is the sky blue it is now. Of course I chose to hide it under a black hoodie, but the curled blue ends still fall out.

I try to believe that things will get better, but it's easy to see they won't. Everyday I go through the same process and everyday is the same. I guess it's just easier that way.

As I walk into school I tuck all my hair into my hood in fear of Jenny Taylor noticing me. I can't let her know that her words hurt me. She's been bullying me for 3 years now and I'm so fucking done with it.

I'm actually a pretty stylish person, but I refuse to let anyone see. Today I had on a black crop top that said "monster" in dripping red resembling blood paired with a red skirt and thigh-high tights with garters. Sounds a bit slutty but I swear it's not. I have on black ballet flats because I really didn't feel like wearing combat boots today.

But lucky me I hide it in a huge black sweatshirt.

I walk to my locker, skeleton printed backpack over my shoulder.

Okay Cassie, you're in the clear, no sign of Jenny Taylor anywhere!

I breathe a sigh of relief and quickly fill my bag with the books I need for the whole day along with my laptop. I slam my locker door and duck my head inconspicuously amongst the slowly evaporating morning crowd.

I can see my health class door from where I'm standing. Just a few more steps-

"Barf, what even are you wearing?" Jenny mockingly calls from across from me.

"Clothes."

"Not very nice ones. Did you get dressed in the dark?"

"Did you get that insult from a third grader?"

"At least you're hiding your rat ass hair," she laughs.

"At least you passed English without having to blow the teacher, again," I smirk.

She gasps and whispers to her friends silently 'she's joking' so she can cover up her disgusting habits. I think I'm finally in the clear since she's backed off, but then my hood is yanked off by her douchey boyfriend, Bradley.

"Oh my god!" She shrieks.

I yank my hood back up and run in the classroom, throwing my things down in the farthest seat in the back where no one sits.

I'm such an utter fuck up.